Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML
Today, I went to empty a mousetrap, only to discover that SOMETHING had eaten the dead mouse's brain and eyeballs. I reset the trap, only to find a half-dead mouse struggling to get out an hour later. My office is like its own tiny little horror movie. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML
Today, I've loved for years that my boyfriend works at an animal shelter, but I learned from his coworker that he’s the guy that puts the animals to sleep, full time, sometimes 30 a day. Now I’m disgusted to sit in the same room as him, because he always says he loves his job. FML
Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML
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Top comments
Zebediabolical 45
Plot twist: It wasn't the nerve that made it twitch.
jenn1808 16
Sounds like a pretty unpleasant job to begin with. I hope that it's for a good cause; animal research always makes me really sad.
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Comments (94)
misswilwarin 9
You deserve it. What kind horrifically cruel job do you have? How can you live with yourself with my type of job you have? I hope you become so terrified that you die of fear.
hatemyluck 15
Yeah, op's job might be experimenting on animals but you probably live in a home, buy groceries in a store, work at a job, and use power from a power plant which was created by destroying forestland which decreases biodiversity. You just have a cruel life in general.
PieReaper 11
So I'm assuming Hell Hounds are real
poisongirl708 11
Whoa
sanecatlady 13
I just read that the whole belief that the dead can reanimate may have been due to the Black Death, when people were just throwing all the bodies into mass graves. Some of the victims may have actually still been alive and able to climb back out, and disorientation or even brain damage from fever may have made them *appear* to be undead...
triplecccs 6
That's hilarious.
Baller_Bob 17
That's ******* creepy
DeadPixel4 29
Just remember, without a working circulatory system to distribute oxygen to the rest of the body, zombies couldn't even move, let alone stand. Also, they couldn't feel hunger for nearly the same reason, because their fats wouldn't produce (is it lipin?), which causes hunger. Therefore zombies are impossible and irrelevant to fear.
CraZedMadMan 16
Zombies aren't even real. Fkn idiot