Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML
Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach ache and had some pretty bad gas at work. I tried to head down to the basement for a while to allow my coworkers to continue in peace. About an hour after I came back up, my boss called pest control due to the horrible smell that "must be dead rats". FML
Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML
Today, I got in trouble with my boss for not showing up to work yesterday. It seems going into anaphylactic shock isn't a valid excuse. FML
Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML
Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Why were you sniffing a rat in the first place? 🤢
Yudith 28
Your boss is an idiot. Zootherapy exists for a reason. Maybe if you made a little lab coat for your rat to wear, it would become accepted in the workplace. I'm sure your patients would love it.
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Comments (15)
RichardPencil 32
Great! Someone who knows how to administer succinylcholine and propofol to small children is also a rat-sniffer. Every parent's dream. You sound like a buddy of Hannibal Lecter. Call Thomas Harris and see if you can be in a sequel to "Silence of the Lambs." Working title: "Scent of a Rat -- Hoo-hah!"
Yudith 28
Your boss is an idiot. Zootherapy exists for a reason. Maybe if you made a little lab coat for your rat to wear, it would become accepted in the workplace. I'm sure your patients would love it.
famlife 6
🤣🥰
cuz803 46
Why were you sniffing a rat in the first place? 🤢
tounces7 28
You got "caught" sniffing a rat? Like is this some secret hobby of yours you do often?
Jonkbaby 23
Okay, but why were you uh, sniffing a rat?
VintageReddress 13
Okay...I have SO many questions....I am so confused.....first of all, where did you get this rat from? And how did you get ahold of it? Did you randomly find it in a storeroom at the hospital? Did you bring it into the hospital with you from home? Were you caught in the hospital, or like, on the street? And what kind of sniffing was it? Were you sniffing it like, “hhm this is a smelly pet rat” or was like, “mmmmhmmm yeah that’s that goooood shhiiiit”? And WHY were you sniffing the rat?!
famlife 6
🤣
rainbowdonnareed 18
I agree who smells rats?
famlife 6
Why would you care so much about a rat...something that is incapable of reciprocity to you? I would run the other way if I saw something like that.
Yummi_913 18
You have obviously never come across a pet rat. They DO build an attachment with humans and have the intelligence of a dog. They can learn tricks and some even enjoy baths. Maybe check out some YouTube videos and learn a thing or two. I researched them on and off for a year before I decided to get two of them and their differing personalities were pretty awesome. They were super smart and loved snuggling. It's reptiles that are incapable of reciprocating any bond, and even they make great pets. I have two species myself but I used to work with many more.
RichardPencil 32
The First Rule of Rat-sniffing Club is: "Don't talk about Rat-sniffing Club." But the Zeroth Rule of Rat-sniffing Club is: "Don't Get Caught."
famlife 6
🤣
peterblackmer91 12
Why in God's name were you sniffing a rat??
BurnInDemonFire 39
For the love of all things holy and unholy expand on this story!