Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML
Today, I went to empty a mousetrap, only to discover that SOMETHING had eaten the dead mouse's brain and eyeballs. I reset the trap, only to find a half-dead mouse struggling to get out an hour later. My office is like its own tiny little horror movie. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML
Today, I've loved for years that my boyfriend works at an animal shelter, but I learned from his coworker that he’s the guy that puts the animals to sleep, full time, sometimes 30 a day. Now I’m disgusted to sit in the same room as him, because he always says he loves his job. FML
Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML
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Top comments
Zebediabolical 45
Plot twist: It wasn't the nerve that made it twitch.
jenn1808 16
Sounds like a pretty unpleasant job to begin with. I hope that it's for a good cause; animal research always makes me really sad.
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Comments (94)
WhiteCrimson 23
I would have payed top dolla to see that happen!
BauerMegan 31
**Paid** Good grief.
graceinsheepwear 34
Just make sure you're doing it writhe and not wrong next time.
astralvagan 20
some puns should never be used....
1dvs_bstd 41
what the hell kind of research is that?
kozzard 17
high school biology classes
rien151 19
if I was to guess it's for veterinary medicine. If doctors practice on cadavers wouldn't vets have to do something similar?
cheshirecat13242 32
The dead will rise again... Eventually you'll find the right nerve for that
shutupmichaela 18
that's cool! Electrical impulses moving inanimate things! it's like a robot!
maddyrooster 9
You can never watch too much of The Walking Dead
Cazz91 21
^ "I just met you. At least buy me a drink first."
worldclassrager 41
So it's frankenwennie gone alive?
trulypar 34
At least it won't surprise you twice. :-)
bigjoeanzalone 4
How old are you? Judging by your line of work you seem to be old enough to know zombies are not real.