Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Too much TV rots your brain (so they say)
Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML
Pest control
Today, I went to empty a mousetrap, only to discover that SOMETHING had eaten the dead mouse's brain and eyeballs. I reset the trap, only to find a half-dead mouse struggling to get out an hour later. My office is like its own tiny little horror movie. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Barfed out
Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Jump scare
Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
The step before rat-licker
Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML
Killing in the name of
Today, I've loved for years that my boyfriend works at an animal shelter, but I learned from his coworker that he’s the guy that puts the animals to sleep, full time, sometimes 30 a day. Now I’m disgusted to sit in the same room as him, because he always says he loves his job. FML
Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML
Top comments
Zebediabolical 45
Plot twist: It wasn't the nerve that made it twitch.
jenn1808 16
Sounds like a pretty unpleasant job to begin with. I hope that it's for a good cause; animal research always makes me really sad.
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Comments (94)
Zebediabolical 45
Plot twist: It wasn't the nerve that made it twitch.
Ambient25 25
Plot twist, "World War Z" now stands for "World War Zoo"
\ 28
Spoiler: The Black Marker has been discovered.
\ 28
Oops, it appears not many here are familiar with Dead Space. I apologize for the obscure reference :(
Kamon97 23
Still a better twist than anything M. Night Shamalan has came up with for the passed 10 years
Cazz91 21
I got your reference #23. The original dead space scared me so much, I made my bf finish the game for me while I cried in terror under the covers whilst he played it. I became a pussy to that game until DS2 came out and it was no longer that scary. In respect to this FML, i'm surprised peashooters were not mentioned. Mmm. Brains.
Ambient25 25
I think I'm the only one here who thinks FEAR was the best horror shooter.
JMichael 26
34- I agree with you. FEAR was pretty good.
gabagabaheyu 10
plants vs zombies reference..i like it #32
LittleBastard 20
I haven't played FEAR, but I know damn well that it's got some jump scares, like in Dead Space.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
You don't know fear till you have played Amnesia.
Haidawg 7
Very true 76 very true amnesia is known to make grown men cry
kittykat1501 31
Cringe alert! Code neon red!
jenn1808 16
Sounds like a pretty unpleasant job to begin with. I hope that it's for a good cause; animal research always makes me really sad.
fsomelife 26
You'd be surprised how useless it is and how much data they just throw away. Never mind the consequences when a drug works on animals and they only test it in the short-term on humans. Barbaric, pointless and unjustified practice. Of course, can't generalize, as with anything else, but mostly it's bizzare.
\ 28
Okay, Mr. PETA. You've made your point...
UsernameHere234 13
Pointless and unjustified? Have you any idea of the medical accomplishments we have made solely because of animal testing and research on animals? I feel like you are subscribing to the idea of animal research being awful in every regard without doing your research and because it's the hip thing to do.
BossPathfinderGM 14
PETA is definitely the WRONG comparison to make there. Poster was arguing against such practices. Despite their acronym standing for "People for Ethical Treatment of Animals" the PETA is NOT an organization that treats animals ethically or morally. They euthanize more than 95% of their seized and surrendered animals within 24 hours without ever listing them for adoption. Check out the Huffington Post's report on them.
chelseaaababyyy 17
28 - 18 is correct. Most research using animals is thrown out. Animals and humans are too different for any of it to be useful for us. Most of it is just senseless torture and killing.
fsomelife 26
#28 - I have done enough research to be confident in arguing my point without even beginning to address the ethical side of the issue. As far as safety goes, for a warm-up, look up Thalidomide (from back in the 50's), Flenac, Propulsid. Regarding accuracy, think of what makes an experiment a true experiment: singularity and replication. Singularity is the presence of only one variable in a test. How can this requirement be fulfilled when the test subject is under a tremendous amount of stress or is so ill or pained that he/she dies during or soon after the experiment? At the least, endocrinological and neurological outcomes will be inaccurate. And how can an experiment be replicated with confounding variables so unique and significant? And data is thrown away in unspeakable amounts, often because of the above-mentioned impediments. There are many sources -- non-social activist or "hip" ones -- in which you can find all the aforementioned arguments. A good example is BMJ (formerly British Medical Journal), which published an article in 2011 discussing whether animal testing is "as accurate as flipping a coin". Though I guess it is pretty hip among doctors and clinical researchers, dang. #24 - #29 is quite right. I'm unsure on the statistics, but PETA is indeed a lying, money-craving organization...
nightbirdblue 27
But humans are animals? o.o
fshackleferd 5
No animal research is pointless. All research is gone into with a purpose and is vital to curing diseases that affect both animals and humans. Animal research doesn't just help humans it help animals too.
fshackleferd 5
Humans ARE animals and us and them are endlessly similar. You can do great research with animals and even though its a little sad to think about you have to remember the information learned is good for everyone.
fsomelife 26
#45 I really don't want to bring emotions into this, but you mentioned being "a little sad". Please Google images of vivisection.
184886837272837 32
It sounds so cool! Man as long as the research was legitimate, and the animal didn't suffer I think it would be so awesome to see it be reanimated by touching a nerve! Then again maybe I'm just sick and twisted
skyeyez9 25
Do you have any better alternatives? If people dont test on animals, no medicine can be tested and if you hate it so much, DONT swallow another pill, take another vaccine or any other medicine if you are ill. It was tested on animals before it hits the store and pharmacy shelves. If you get severely ill, forgo the morphine, chemo or whatever it is you need. If you are so against it. Can you look your kids in the eye and tell them sorry, but that medicine you need to live was tested on rats, so you cant get any.
horneyhic 15
Unless your willing to be the next test subject that replaces animal (which means being purposely given a desease than getting experimental treatment and the killed and dissected to see the effects) or you have an accual viable alternative the perhaps you should quit bitching or quit taking any form of pharmicutals
fsomelife 26
Yes, there are alternatives. In vitro tests, computer models, medical imaging, clinical research, epidemiology, to name some. The similarity between animals and humans is anatomical and physiological -- yes, structurally we are fairly similar, -- but research in our day and age is so intricate that conducting it on a cellular level in species with critical metabolic and pharmacological differences is dangerous. Furthermore, medicine doesn't go on the shelf immediately after it is tested on animals -- it then undergoes clinical trials on humans, which, statistically, fail miserably. Someone who doesn't support animal testing is not someone who automatically supports testing on people -- it's gruesome to even imply that. And if you're going touch the whole don't-take-"pharmicutals" deal, then consider that the only reason all medication is tested on animals is because doing so is required by law.
WhackTheJackal 22
Shut the **** up.
Eleanor6141 11
Night of the living dead.. squirrels.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
That would be nuts.
Zimmington 21
Pet Cemetery part 2
juarezj96 12
He's gonna use that to have fun with you. Who wouldn't!
ClaireWinchester 17
Maybe the other non-terrifying half of your job will make up for it?
BadApple88 29
Just remember it's not a real zombie if it doesn't move on its own
lilpsyco 16
You can also artificially pump the heart shortly after death, and it will start pumping briefly on its own. Even it has been cut out of its body
lou_knee 6
Yep. I once spent a year studying angina medications for which we had to keep rat hearts pumping once removed from the rat's body. They kept beating for a good 15-30 min or so.
thatnucca 36
Just a heads up... Ducks are the worst... They twitch like they just fell out MJ's thriller video...
hobojo69 23
That would have freaked me out!! I probably would have ended up smashing the animal or something lol, double tap!!
Potatobacon 6
This reminds me of this one time when I was going around stabbing people and all of the sudden one of my victims rose up and started twerking in front of me and then fell to the ground dead, now I'm too scared to be a mass murderer