Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Busted!
Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML
Hello?
Today, I walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment, dropped my backpack on the couch, and started complaining about work. A complete stranger then walked out of the kitchen holding a sandwich, saw me, then yelled "HELP!" I apologized, grabbed my bag, and somehow took his TV remote with me. FML
Yummy
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
Drugs are bad
Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML
Gotcha good
Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML
Chillin' with Satan
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
Trippin' out
Today, my dog ate an entire bag of my boyfriend’s shrooms. She got incredibly sick and had to be admitted to doggie hospital. My entire family was worried that we would lose her. All except my boyfriend, who was more upset that his shrooms were gone. FML
Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML
Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML
Top comments
Pleonasm 36
He sounds like a fungi to be around! Don't be so sporing OP, have a laugh!
Renesaga 8
That's prettt much how I spend everyday, even without shrooms.
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Comments (122)
Renesaga 8
That's prettt much how I spend everyday, even without shrooms.
ViRepz 28
Get a hobby? Outside.
TheAbstract 15
Outside bad. Inside good. The sun isn't my friend.. It wants to hurt me.
Renesaga 8
15 - It was a joke. Sorry if my humor (accompanied with a typo and crude attempt at making an 8th grade level joke) was still somehow over your head.
whiteboy896 9
If that joke went over their head then its fair to say that 15 is either in the 7th grade or lower.
awkwardloveannie 28
do you make your fingers into faces and name them? if so can I call you spongebob?
battleroyalefan6 16
106 What part of the word "Joke" Do you not understand
NotoriousLES 14
And this is why one should never shroom alone!
L2U7A_E5I9A2E8H 20
And this is why one should never shroom at all!
ABillOnFire 15
ok mom, jeez
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Shrooms can be a very enlightening experience. You can question everything and they'll show you a path you won't soon forget. In my opinion shrooms are more of a spiritual tool than a drug. I'm not saying go out and eat a bag of magical mushrooms at all, but for some people it's really helpful for finding the answers hidden away by your mind.
NotoriousLES 14
How'd you guess? I am a mom! But I swear, I was pretty awesome before that happened.
rosenkrieger223 24
79, I'm pretty sure 57 was directing that comment at 45's rather prudish comment.
Pleonasm 36
He sounds like a fungi to be around! Don't be so sporing OP, have a laugh!
BadApple88 29
Nice comment
ryanthecheeseguy 18
To show appreciation for a comment, instead of replying, just click the "like" button.
mala_malica 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
do shrooms taste like peanut butter?
yourmurderscenex 13
No, they taste like shit. at least that's what I've been told...
kaoszombie 6
They actually taste a lot like dirt.
NotoriousLES 14
Both answers are acceptable. However, 'dirt covered shit' is the best way to describe the flavor of mushrooms. You have to be dedicated and have strong gag control to get them down... Definitely not something anyone would eat by mistake.
Senseless_487 29
I've always likened them to two day old, unbuttered popcorn. Still not very pleasant.
SerendipityRose 26
Really? To me they tasted like really stale plain Cheerios... Rather gross.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
The trick is to make tea with them. It still isn't a very pleasant taste, but it sure does beat eating them. They're mostly tasteless in my opinion. Try the tea, you'll thank me.
kayteakay 26
They always remind me if moldy cardboard.
Senseless_487 29
That kinda makes me wonder how many times you've eaten moldy cardboard...
daaniel69 6
They taste like seeds to me
iAlissa 34
Damn. Now we know who all trips shrooms.
NotoriousLES 14
Well, 85 we do know how had at some point. Don't think every body is running around trippin' balls everyday. More likely once or twice back in high school.
jondivey 9
As a group I myself and others who accompanied me have decided that shrooms taste like mummy skin.
iAlissa 34
Never done shrooms. But I won't sit here and tell you I haven't done drugs.
Caitie_kid 8
Taste never bothered me because it tastes exactly like what it is. Mushrooms taste like the raw white mushrooms you find in grocery stores.
rosenkrieger223 24
I didn't find the taste too bad. I just pounded a can of mountain dew after I ate them and it pretty much took csre of the taste.
NotoriousLES 14
In that case, Im pretty sure somebody sold you grocery store mushrooms. Possible?
Caitie_kid 8
104, definitely not. Lol. It's been a very very long time since I had them, but that's what I remember thinking while eating them.
Caitie_kid 8
They definitely smell bad, but they aren't half bad tasting.
staymintyfresh 13
Everyone says they taste like shit, but, at least hydro-shrooms, taste kinda like sunflower seeds, it's really not bad.
parapara_vince 8
He is just chilling with an invisible Neil Patrick Harris riding on a unicorn.
goldenturtlez 7
Suit up and smoke shrooms
rosenkrieger223 24
Yeah, except you don't smoke them...
goldenturtlez 7
I should stop posting shroom comments while tripping on shrooms O.o
SS99_fml 20
Lounge corner cowering is my FAVORITE!! You should have joined him!
judea95 16
Gotta love a good corner
DocBastard 40
And why exactly do people **** with their brains again? Is crying in the corner like a baby somehow fun for these idiots? I prefer my brain unscrambled, thank you very much.
jizzwold 21
Commence the obligatory argument about the after effects of psychedelic drug use.
ViRepz 28
Walter Bishop found them very helpful for 'science'.
anythingmustbe 18
Why is he down voted? It is true.
DocBastard 40
It's probably the potheads thumbing me down. It's ok - they know how much I love them.
yourmurderscenex 13
Why yes, yes it is. that's why they keep.doing it. would I personally enjoy that? nope!
WellThatSucked89 13
Walter Bishop FTW
bfsd42 20
No doc, you probably got thumbed down for your continuously rude name calling and because of your extremely judgmental, unwavering, one-sided view on drug use of any kind.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
The funny thing is he's probably fine with people using opiates and benzos, both of which can cause serious damage to the body and are extremely addictive. You don't see people addicted to mushrooms or weed, but when doctors hand you prescriptions to pain killers and anti-anxiety medication they're throwing addiction straight into your mouth. Not saying mushrooms aren't bad, because they are, but they don''t cause nearly the damage or death toll that prescription pills do.
DocBastard 40
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
bfsd42 - My one-sided view on drug use? Drugs abuse is bad. I'm sorry, what other side is there? You're clearly a moron. Oops, there I go being judgmental and name calling again. McFeelii - Thank you very much for putting words in my mouth and making stupid ******* assumptions about me which are, of course, completely wrong. I don't condone drug abuse of any kind, including prescription medicine. I do think some people need prescription medication, but only under the strict observation and control of a medical professional. I'd advise you not to assume you know anything about me or what I think in the future. It'll save you from looking like an idiot again.
gracehi 33
To answer your question, Doc: Peer pressure and because it CAN be fun, though obviously not in this case. The first time I smoked marijuana I was encouraged to do so by my boyfriend at the time. I hated it and thought I'd never want to do it again. Then he and his friends managed to convince me that marijuana is always bad the first time you tried it, and was much better the second time. It turned out they were right. Then I tried salvia and hated it. Then I tried salvia a second time...and it was awful again, so I didn't do it again. Then I tried spice and enjoyed it. I smoked spice a few more times and enjoyed it then too. Then one time, I unwittingly smoked some spice that was stronger than what I was used to, and it gave me the most intense attack of anxiety I've ever experienced in my life, before or since. My guess is that that's what happened to OP's roommate. He probably ate more shrooms than he usually does, or ate some that were unusually potent. I agree though that dug abuse of any kind is bad, and I think that some drugs are too powerful and dangerous to every be used safely. However, I think recreational drug use can be done responsibly. I don't smoke marijuana anymore, but I would on occasion if it were legal. I do drink alcohol though because I enjoy it, and while I admit I drink a little more than I should, I don't think it threatens to have a significant negative impact on my life...maybe just my waistline.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
They key to anything, not just recreational illicit drug use, is moderation, 94. You shouldn't gorge yourself on sweets every day as you shouldn't binge on alcohol for days either. As long as you take care of your body and mind the way you always should, a little dip into temptation shouldn't have negative long term side effects. Unless of course you do something insanely stupid like drink ether or inhale keyboard cleaner, you should be ok in the long run.
WeAreAHurricane 14
Your comment is so long it's almost impossible to thumb down.
\ 28
I say that ANYTHING that mimics the action of another chemical in your body is potentially harmful/addictive/debilitating, even pot. If pot really were OK for us, we'd be naturally attracted to it from birth much like koalas to eucalyptus leaves.
gracehi 33
111, I agree that marijuana is bad for us. We'd all be much healthier if we never used marijuana or alcohol. Same goes for caffeine, sugar, and greasy food, although they're not as bad as alcohol or marijuana. But then we wouldn't enjoy ourselves. The key to everything is moderation.
Aky0n 10
You just love acting all high and mighty don't cha, doc? Do you have proof that it scrambles your brains? No? Then stop spewing out rubbish, spreading more propaganda as if you know what you're actually talking about and then insulting people who are curious . Aslong as it's done in a safe environment, there shouldn't be anything wrong with it. People like you keep us from advancing research on illegal substances because of preconceived notions that they're all deadly.
Samafilbeit 11
#111, My cat is naturally attracted to pot the same way he's naturally attracted to catnip, coffee and tuna. He won't overeat, lick alcohol or eat chocolate. I even use him to smell-test iffy cold cuts and meat. If that honey ham or hydro is good enough for Miston, it's good enough for me!
anythingmustbe 18
Morel of the story kids? Don't do drugs. It is a shiitake. You could end up hurting the people around you and sometimes there isn't mushroom for forgiveness.
vipirius 18
Pretty sure the same principles apply to alcohol too.
Joshwarrior 39
... Alcohol is a drug. But for most things I think as long as they are used in moderation are ok. Keep in mind said most not all.
thepunman 11
He should clean his act up
Soninuva 41
That's why the automatic vacuum kept bumping into him.
dca101 23
I tries very hard to figure out how youd confuse peanut butter with shrooms. My conclusion: you were on shrooms while putting the shrooms on your sandwich. **** I can only indulge myself in this for so long