Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML
Today, I was walking home from the gym. An old man in his car rolled down the window and drove slowly next to me. He pulled out a camera, took a picture of me and said, "It's gonna be a fun night!" and then drove off. FML
Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML
Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML
Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML
Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML
Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML
Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. He went to get popcorn and I went to the bathroom. Thinking he had got back before me, I sat down next to him in the theater. I leaned in to kiss him, then realized it was some 70-year-oldish woman. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
"Ohh, you startin' to piss me off, ya little piglet son of a bitch. Call meeee ;)"
blackscent 0
wat the hell..
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Comments (85)
allmidnighteyes 11
"Ohh, you startin' to piss me off, ya little piglet son of a bitch. Call meeee ;)"
Gasperilla 0
hahaha, I was thinking about that quote all day today :) that's a weird coincedence.
Intoxicunt 6
I pictured that guy too. What's sexier (and gayer) than men wrestling around in tight clothing?
fmlfmlfml15 0
herbert is the funniest pedophile everrrrr
TJ10 0
lmfao Herbert n his creepy dog
blackscent 0
wat the hell..
cheerbabe3254 4
Well OP is probably gay to cuz wrestling is the gay man sport
mystical_child 6
It was probably master Rochi ;)
minesbiggerr 25
Roshi....... Gtfo
slasher29 0
and that's where you call 911. and get license plate. seriously, report that.
RavensRule97 0
exactly. thats just wrong.
triplefmylife 0
Call 911? Are you effing KIDDING me??? This ISN'T an emergency....dipshits like you tie up the emergency lines so people with REAL problems can't get through.
PaulG10 0
why the **** would you call 911 over this...... if it were a woman you wouldnt do anything, just cause its a man lets all ******* assume hes gonna rape anything hes attracted to with a penis eh? **** you
pieisyourdrug 0
Wait, what, #43? It's not any nicer to be on the recieving end of creepy behaviour if you're a woman. And I don't think he was being homophobic.
pieisyourdrug 0
Nvm, I misunderstood >.>
razzpoohtinuh 0
It's not as though it would matter, techincally the man didn't DO anything.
iceman123432 0
thats exactly what my mom said when i told her
wrldpeace_789 2
The police department has no other number 911 is not only for emergencies besides each one has a minimum of 5 dispatchers in large cities
ZZDomoZZ 1
The police couldn't do anything if report someone to them for licking there lips looking at you, it's not illegal
blondie3426 3
Hold on firstly no they DO have other numbers secondly the five dispatchers don't all work at once
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...Oh, We went out last night One thing started leading to another Out last night Everybody started loving on each other They were dancing on the tables And howling at the moon Pairing up together and pretty soon There was not a sole in sight When we went out last night..." You just don't remember it
Unregistered 0
oh my ******* god seriously GET A LIFE **** nobody cares for your lyrics except closet homosexual's
SkullsAndPie 0
No one cares about your homophobia except your twisted self.
Unregistered 0
Eyes bulging from their sockets With every swing of my mallet I smash your ******* head in, until brains seep in through the cracks, blood does leak distorted beauty, catastrophe Steaming slop, splattered all over me Lifeless body, slouching dead lecherous abcess, where you once had a head
ireply_w_lyrics 0
And how does this fuse with the FML to make a joke? I'm sorry, but copying me and beating me to an FML using quality lyrics is one thing, but replying to me with lyrics that have nothing to do with anything here is another. FYL for being that kind of metalhead. Broaden your horizon and listen to more types of music. Personally, i listen to everything except screamo, opera, and songs that exceed 6 monutes. (Free Bird exempt)
waterynuggets 0
Your lyrics ******* suck.
the_coon_fml 0
haha dont listen to them. u win.
Unregistered 0
ill broden my horizon when a) rap stops putting out generic ******* songs about woman money and drugs b) there is no more ******* hippie music and c)disney stops dominating the charts with their purity wearing stars seriously i lost all respect in any kind of music beyond metal when I saw how many ******* legions of fans there are listening to that crap. I still listen to the classics beatles/lynrd skynrd/the who etc. beyond that all other bands that arent metal/death metal are dead to me
Hydra_fml 0
Clearly, you're not looking hard enough. Your horizons are as broad as a shot glass.
the_coon_fml 0
win
ireply_w_lyrics 0
try listenin to some country. not the sad stuff, the other songs. BTW, Jack Johnson and his hippie music FTW
Unregistered 0
country is a perfect entrance into crappy ass hippie music i could only stand that shit if i was baked out of my mind
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Cause doing drugs makes u cool and telling everyone about it, even cooler. Im jus takin a wild guess here at sayin that you are one those white boys who drives the honda civics straight-piped w/o any real engine upgrades, just because you think its cool, as 'the asians do it' (BTW they dont, its just a stereotype). You talk about parties around people to try to act cool, and then go home and ask yourself why you're never invited to them and the ones you go to are either really lame or you crash. You have talked about doing drugs for years, but just started doing them in the past year. You dont show up to any of your classes because you think its cool, yet you have no where to go and no one to hang out with, and, as a result, are failing at least half your classes. And the internet is where you try to make yourself look cool, but everyone simply finds you to be a tool. Sorry to break it to you, but there is no 'cool.' There are just more and less popular people. You are definitely one of the not popular kids BTW sorry if i made you cry. just get over it like you do when kids make fun of you every day. Go smoke some pot and skip some class
Unregistered 0
HAHAH you obviously dont ******* live in canada mate. Everybody ******* smokes weed im not trying to "Act cool" in fact smoking weed doesnt make you cool **** everybody does it. And since when have I been going around saying im "so ******* cool" listen here mate unlike you I dont go around being a ****** with my fohawk and my aeropostal/holister/and abercrombie clothes trying to "fit in" unlike you I auctually have some ******* diverse friends who arent some poser's trying to fit in
l0v3t0h8 0
(:
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Well, unregistered, i am in fact from Canada, and many of my friends do weed. They just dont go around braggin bout it. And i dont have to try to fit in, i am friends with whoever i meet. just because my pic has me wearin a preppy shirt doesnt mean thats all i wear. i wear what i think looks good, many of my shirts arent brand name. and not all preps have fohawks, as u can tell by my pic. BTW swearin that much and repetitively callin me a ****** makes u even cooler....
love_fml_a_lot 0
#70 you're a jerk you're the only one who thinks your cool by telling everyone you do drugs lets see where you'll be in 10 years :|
ireply_w_lyrics 0
ps its aeropostale, not aeropostal
piles_of_fail 0
Unregistered=complete ******* fail.
wordgirl 0
Can you read? There was a fully developed point in that "rant." I write for a living, and I would know.
PaintTheStars 2
aww but screamo is amazing (:
PaintTheStars 2
oh and that was to I reply with lyrics
crazybread101 0
hahah wut a sick fuccck reminds me of creepy gramps from family guy ;)
relatela 0
Lmao, that's who I thought of too.
SydneyG 0
i was just thinkin that haa
blooop_fml 0
Either you have extremely good eyesight, or you were stretching on the sidewalk..? In addition, wrestling is an indoor sport, unless you were doing a warm up jog.
bovice 0
i wrestle and we work out outside like 50% of the time
thecrazyhotchick 0
Ummmm windows?
InigoMontoya 0
You should've threatened to wrestle him. Haha.
alexgisforme3 0
omg thats so disgusting im sorry
porsche944 0
Where the hell is wrestling a fall sport? I have always wrestled in the winter and played football in the fall
soulonfire928 0
Texas apparently.
speedracer1191 0
when you don't play fall sports pre-season is during the fall. and if you want to get specific wrestling is actually a summer sport in all of the world except for america
bovice 0
im in america, texas to be specific, and for us its a year long sport. we only get like 10 days out of the year that we dont practice excluding sundays.
plexico 4
In Texas, Wrestling is a winter sport, but we do Rasslin' all the time! Anytime, anyplace, anyone -- we just love grabbing and throwing people -- it's like Human Rodeo. Yeeee-haaaaah!
mexiwrestler93 0
thats badass i wrestle in oregon
screwtaylor 0
I bet he wanted to smack that all on the floor. Thank goodness the OP just bent over, because she could have gave that old man a heart attack.
porsche944 0
OP is a man, beeyotch
allmidnighteyes 11
Oh, he wanted them to give him some more until they got sore.
screwtaylor 0
#16 Yeah, so what? The old man could have been gay for all we know.