Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (522)
GoodLookingGeese 10
are you kidding me? keep the cat, kill the bitch!!!
bordemstirs 0
Put the wife down, reward the cat. And tell you friend he shouldn't dangle his balls where they don't belong.
goodgood_fml 5
if he sues you for medical, countersue for ruining your marriage. Sounds like a 'wash' to me.
kaceemae 7
I've never heard of having to "kill" a cat for scratching or even biting anyone. that's what cats do. His nuts probably looked like a cat toy, and he deserved it anyway.
savvy_suzy 0
Your wife and friend are pathetic and deserve each other. I'm glad there is some karma and the guy got his jewels mangled, though. Please be creative and find a way to keep your cat alive if you want them (there may be a vet who will help you if you explain the situation to them). I would definitely put the relationship down before I put the cat down. Your wife needs to become an ex, very soon.
gingervitus0901 5
I'd keep the cat, divorce the bitch, wrap up the balls in a package and write 'karma'.
alicec123 0
maybe the your friend is better off without balls...
Alesana171993 0
Dude if I was you I'd tell you friend thats your aren't paying for shit and that your not putting your cat down, then tell your bitch of a wife that your getting a divorce and your making sure she doesn't get shit.
Gomerfied 7
Screw putting hm down....build a shrine to that cat and feed him tuna everyday!! He got what he deserved..make him pay his own medical bills!!
xmarkstheheart 0
That cat is your best friend!!! Don't do a thing to him...except feed him steak and lobster every night! And sequester him for his protection. Now, as for the guy? He can **** off. The wife? Divorce. It sucks that she was cheating (and with your so-called "friend," no less), but you owe nothing to anyone. Keep your head up and refuse their requests.