Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
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Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
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Comments (522)
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
hellokat1 0
I love your cat for defending you! Sorry to hear that your wife was cheating and you have to put down the cat:( I say you and the cat run off together.
perdix 31
Yeah. And the only thing you ought to give your "friend" is a copy of Ted Nugeñt's "Cat Scratch Fever."
princesszeebunny 0
lmfao this is the best.
DudeImBetter 0
That is some complete b s that you have to put your cat down, I'm actually pissed off cause of that. I have to agree, this is the best. I can't think of anything else that would be worse than this fml.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
society is ******
FAILml 7
the cat just wanted some action with mans balls...
FAILml 7
all the cat wanted was some action... but the man was hogging the wife so he sliced his balls open. firetruck.
dre_bro11 12
122; OP shouldn't need to pay for the 'surgery' anyway. If OP is married, then his cat is also his wife's cat, meaning his wife should either have to pay or at least pay half. And the shit about putting the cat down... give it to a relative until you sort your stuff out and just say you did put it down.
Falcon_My_Life 0
I will never hate another cat again!
Sydknee 8
awww.. I don't see why you have to put down your cat, he didn't even kill the person, and yet when a person kills a person we don't always kill the killler.
Nickolazx 0
Nor when a person kill an animal (and I mean 4 the heck of it), there's something wrong with us humans
jiggyjiggz 0
I am trying to think of the position they were in for the cat to slice the balls. it sounds intriguing.
rinoa_fml 10
His wife probably doesn't work and the state is probably making him put his cat down so they can check its brain for rabies.
melanie177 1
I agree completely with #18 :)
RawrBunneh 0
hahahahah
iBookFlippa 2
Dude don't be an ass hat putting down a cat sucks and his situation already sucked there is no bright side
Ashley121645 0
best cat ever! Dont kill it take it somewhere and say u shot it a threw it in a river so they cant ask for the body. then put down ur wife or at least divorce that freaking ***** and dont pay shit for his balls. make her pay it she owns the cat too legally if ur married, and it happened under her supervision. Her fault. And get rid of your friend.
Brendan3693 0
more like penius cat!
zaadam2 5
#1 - Awesomeeee cat #2 - I really, really, really doubt a cat could damage balls that bad. But then again, I've never experienced my balls being attacked like that :P. #3 - I don't see how you would really be liable for his medical records. I could see why given the sad state of affairs with the misuse of the courts why you might have to but you'd have an EXCELLENT chance in court of not having to pay for anything if you wanted.
gonnahurt 3
trying to think of a position where the cat couldn't get to the balls
tippy_pink89 2
and what are you going to do with your wife?
thelastavailable 13
Send her his balls in the mail.
brootalxkeni 0
or let her join the cat.
BadMofeelius 0
He should put her down as well
carelessnymph 4
I'm sure the vet would offer a two for one deal in this case...hell, he should bring the friend, might get a bulk rate
blaherman 12
I got a shotgun in the back of my truck........
dayday14_fml 4
nice.
caffeinewriter 0
Dump the bitch, keep the cat, and neuter your friend... oops, too late. I feel so bad for you man, FYL
Mortoli 30
Lol tell me about it...
satisfactionwink 0
I'm sorry
willielikesmonke 0
forget sorry! seek vengeance!
VeeVengeance 0
yes I am here.
Slayerfan408 6
fake fml
s_tricka 0
haha. I'm insane with a touch of retiredness too
ilovedavid475 0
wow wat a costume
krad204 21
Pauseunpause! You like him!
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
felipe87 2
yea I wouldn't put it down or pay for the surgery
ILEUX 3
sue for animal abuse! the cat didn't have to see his junk ):
SolaPhan 0
many heros dont have good endings:(
sloaan 0
Perhaps the cat was seeking vengeance, for his own possible neuter! If so, his balls were cut open with a scalpel blade before being removed, so he just wanted revenge on the nearest pair to take out his anger and tainted manhood. Just a guess though.
jazziness 12
yeah y would u have to kill he did u a favor!!
Cazzybum 11
Don't do anything to the cat, please. Divorce the bitch and make her pay for the man-**** surgery.
dragonaair 5
The council is probably forcing him to kill as the cat is "dangerous".
rawrlily 0
about to be an hero.
Thunderstruck14 30
Yeah, it was just being a good guard cat. If someone it doesn't know is ******* your owner, what else are you supposed to do? Good cat.
maybaybe 0
Don't pay for it! And divorce that bitch.
FallenAngel758 1
#5 & #4 I Agree
Nora22_fml 0
I agree! sorry :(
chrisx020296 0
2 = hot
smilingbkob 0
he could do that but then he has to pay for the divorce too :( by the way ur super hot maybaybe;)
Kukua 5
DUCKFACE!
maybaybe 0
#135 - I'd rather pay to divorce the **** than pay for that idiot's balls to get fixed. He deserves ****** up testicles!
sabresrock 0
I agree
awesom0 0
hey bitch
guy87 0
true f@$* that bitch
tygerarmy 35
Put down your wife, sue your friend.
missxmurder1221 0
agreed
firebuff107 0
damn ur hot
sdskrs 0
you got a facebook so we can char??
5t3ff1k4h 47
324 - Please use the PM feature.
hateplow 3
that cat needs to have a go at the duckface
Yondeme 2
Cutie (:
PhoenixInfinity 0
AGREED.
rubberduckie94 13
he should not have to pay for divorce since she was cheating
petrolhead 12
kill your wife, remove 'his' balls and live with cat.
lulzaroonie 0
this!!! :D that cat was defending you! don't kill it!
backdownbreh 0
it's not like he has a choice 13...
PrincessNothing 0
Why wouldn't he have a choice? I imagine the cat was doing what any normal animal would in its situation and defending its territory by attacking the strange thing that had come in to it.
blocparty 0
I'm sure thats how it works...
nature_girl_08 14
141: he may not have a choice because many states require that any animal that attacks a person must be put down. it's to avoid further incidents. personally, i think it's a completely idiotic law. if a dog/cat bites or scratches a stranger who has provoked them, that's a natural reaction. people react the same exact way. well, we don't bite, but we do punch or shove on reflex when something startles us, threatens us, etc.
Tysonator 0
I agree with 310. The cat was the hero of the situation!! And now it will die as a result of doing the right thing. How unjust. Also, what 310 said reminds me of BuckBeak in HP3
Tweety122888 0
i am so so sorry OP. :(
Adamantoise 0
have your wife pay.
JocelynKaulitz 28
seriously, it's her fault
some_shit 0
yes, and then divorce her
sofiq 3
Thats really smart
MrChocolateburri 0
depending on what state you live in, you might be able to sue for alienation of love.
zoone_fml 1
i know adultery is a crime in some state but "alienation of love".
venomlash 9
Here in Illinois, I believe there is still a law concerning alienation of affection. Dunno about Texas. Don't kill your cat, bro, and certainly don't pay for your "friend's" surgery. If he wants to make a big deal about it, let him. He can make it a big neighborhood scandal, and everyone will think he's a tosser, a real prick, and will laud your cat for his loyalty. Especially if your "friend" is married; won't his missus love to hear that story circulating!
chingao 4
nor would I pay a dime.. It's that jackasses own fault he knew better
nikki_4eva 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
if i was a guy i would first ill "actcadentally" push him in traffic and then tell the hospital that he got ran over!!! problem solved!!
PurplePeeps 0
Please tell me that the quotes were used to refer to the idiocity of some other person, and that's not really how you believe 'accidentally' is spelt. Hell, who am I kidding? I ask too for too much.
ohthebloodygore 16
She actcadentally made that spelling error.
unidentified_sta 5
"idiocity" Well that is a new one, can't say I've heard that one before.
AtoZnumbersand_ 1
Please tell me that's a typo and you don't really think Idiocity is a real word.
FAILml 7
let's just gaze at her picture.... hmmm
cganon 0
Guys, idiocity is a real word.
Mauskau 36
Idiocity is plausible as some people say it instead of idiocy. I've even heard it on TV. Yeah it may not be correct but it still fit.
Dannie1308 11
I think they meant act like your cat accidentally got hit by a car and they just put the word together. so that way he won't have to kill his cat.