Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
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Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
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Comments (522)
PrincessNothing 0
Divine retribution via cat. (Do not covet they neighbor's wife.) He deserves the most epic cat treats ever for the rest of his life for showing off your ***** of a wife to you, not the death penalty, and you need to boot her slutty rear end to the curb, post haste. And your "friend" is lucky cheating isn't technically a punishable offense anymore, at least not here in the U.S..
PrincessNothing 0
You'd think someone would have some common sense though, the cat isn't dangerous, it was probably just defending its territory just like any other animal might in its situation. It's like putting a dog down for biting a stranger sneaking through a window, it's not the fault of the dog, but rather the stranger for being an idiot. Same goes for the stranger in the bed. :(
IrishJohnnyMann 0
why would you have to kill your cat it was the mans fault for cheating the cat was defining it territory and divorce
22cute 17
uh........no, you don't. Take him to court. A good lawyer will have no trouble getting you out of that. That guy has some nerve!!
robinsn 0
That's bullshit. He deserved it.
jf7609 0
that sucks!
SILENT_KILLER765 0
OMFG I don't get y u have 2 kill the cat he's freaking awesome!! FYL
Zmeilerr 22
I laughed. Sort of. Kind of. Ok, not really. Props though. :)
pip74205 9
Don't kill it and don't pay. Appeal. Sue your friend for emotional distress and anything else your lawyer can think of. Fraud maybe. If you can get a lawsuit, you can have your cat as evidence, keeping any judge's decision to have it killed halted.
Joe2163 1
That cat is a boss