Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
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Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
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Comments (522)
limelife69 0
dam man sorry. but now he knows how you feel metaphoricaly speaking
ILEUX 3
use the money for the guy's op to bribe the doctor. put the bill on ur wife's tab, then run away with the cat.
rattusrattus 19
I've had cats attack my downstairs. Through jeans. They're not considered dangerous however I consider them to be "pure evil in kitty form".
dorkasaurusROAR 7
Poor cat, he knew what he was doing. The guy deserved it. That's such bullshit.. I'm sorry.
heyred 11
Wow, your "friend" really expects you to pay?! Tell him to send the bill to your wife - then kick her to the curb!! FYL op.
BeautyGoddessLuv 0
at least u kno the cat got ur bak on this one.
seniors 5
Don't kill the cat, Sew ur wife, and don't sew that guys balls
Retillias 0
How is there anything wrong with that cat? If a dog attacks someone who attacks its owner, It's not got anything wrong with it.
sloaan 0
At least the cat will become a martyr. Actually though, this sucks, especially about the cat. Working at a vet office, it's a terrible experience to put down an animal, especially for something so wasteful. Also, what a cold-hearted friend!
monagro 22
Don't put down the cat. If they are able to legally force you, hide the cat with a friend and put down a different cat. Also dump the bitch.
ProgMetalMan 8
But then an even more innocent cat is getting killed.