Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
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Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
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Comments (522)
jtaylor991 6
why do u need to kill the cat? WTF?
willielikesmonke 0
sue him for traumatizing the cat! he's petrified I tell you! he'll never be the same city again!
CodyClews 0
EPIC SUNGLASSES OF BADASSERY.
tomahto 0
um, I'm pretty sure you don't have to kill your cat over that. pay for the bills, maybe. you can probably get out of that in court too, though since you can argue that the victim was trespassing on your property and committing adultery. but I'm almost positive you don't have to kill your cat.
dezeradenzenooit 2
Get a good lawyer. And fight for the life of the cat!
GodofCarnage 10
Let your wife pay, she's the one who brought him in our house. Otherwise, it was our property, is his fault.
princesszeebunny 0
Because animals that are considered dangerous have to be put to sleep.
NINnerd999 0
I live in TX, too, and I seriously don't think you have to put your cat down. There aren't the same kind of laws on cats as there are on dogs. And if he fights you in court, you would probably win, to be honest. But to correct others - the "other man" wasn't trespassing because the wife let him in the house.
perdix 31
In Texas, we have a long tradition of considering a wife's pussy as being her husband's property, and any other man who sticks his dick there is trespassing. That law was only repealed relatively recently, but the sentiment is still around.
Izzati 0
That cat was awesome!! Don't kill him!!! That bastard deserved it!
LeedsFML 0
Someone has already said it, but, I agree.... GET A GOOD SOLICITOR! That prick had no business being in your house (or your wife). Let the solicitor take the adultery case, also...