Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML
Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "…and she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML
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Top comments
Yellow_Fish79 11
Tell him he is on the naughty list! Peeking under stalls... >:
allblacksfan 7
I would do the exact same thing. Who would want to miss out on meeting Santa?
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Comments (103)
ComeFlyWithMe 2
I love getting into the Christmas spirit in mid-June.
HairyPunisher 27
The Christmas theme aside, I personally find it creepy that you're doing anything audible in the stall that doesn't involve pooping. When I go to a stall I have one mission: Deliver the package and get out. No phone calls, singing, whistling, nothing.
auzz1_pride 9
Sounds to me That someone has the mad case of destination fever. But really texting while on the shitta is the modern day texting in itself
GhettoMuzick 0
Nasty. Please tell me you don't actually use your phone on the toilet? Damn, I do some pretty gross things but doing anything on the toilet besides "the business" is just wrong.
AKGirlinSD 20
I thought every one read the FMLs while on the shitter...*enter sarcasm here*
Le_Anonymous 9
It's texting, it's not like people can hear you taking a crap.
perdix 31
You probably need LESS fiber in your diet. If you can whistle multiple Christmas carols while ********, then it's just too easy and pleasant for you. No strain, no gain!
GVirdi 11
Well OP never mentioned how many Christmas carols he whistled Maybe he was halfway through his first, but either way, OP an the little boy learned their lessons
perdix 31
The OP used the plural, so we know it's at least two. If one of them is the entire "Twelve Days of Christmas," then he's spending way too much happy time on the toilet.
GVirdi 11
OP could be one of those cheerful sport people who love Christmas and got caught up in the moment
perdix 31
That was my point. If you are having so much fun on the shitter, your bowels are working just a bit too well. That's why they call it "doing your business" -- because it is unpleasant. People would like to mix business with pleasure, but it's illegal.
BradTheBrony 19
Not in Mexico. *gasp* So THAT'S why it gives you diarrhea...
AKGirlinSD 20
Perdix- Only because my illness is entirely based on my none-functioning stomach, your "no strain, no gain" comment is a bit misleading but funny lol. Ever wonder why the elderly pass put while taking a crap? It's because they strained themselves from pushing too hard and cut off their oxygen supply to their brain while doing so. It's supposed to come out naturally. I'm guessing the original poster was passing up time to let it naturally come out. Side note: your comments keep me quite entertained :).
ChickInGreenVans 12
Awkwaard..
2RaRa25 6
I'm betting his image of Santa is going to be forever tarnished...
ChickInGreenVans 12
I reckon so too..
groupleader 7
Way to go pedo-santa, you have set a new kind of trap. Also, if you whistle the Penn State fight song while ******** in a public toilet, you can Sandusky yourself into history.
AmericanRedcoat 6
Who whistles Christmas carols in June? ^_^
juwood 7
Dude, it's June, what are ya doing?
emmy462 3
Guess everyone is in the spirit... not two weeks ago my fiance was singing oh holy night when he was drunk at a party, and he walked by a tree and two people were doing the dirty...and they looked up and he saw them, and he just kept walking...singing oh holy night...funny how him singing oh holy night in June was less awkward than the two people having sex behind a tree getting caught
GaleIsHawt 5
Christmas in June?! you're a little early.. It's not until July!
fightinTXaggie 2
You broke rule #1 of the men's restroom. No talking or other sounds made voluntarily.
the_anti_hipster 7
I thought the number 1 rule of the men's restroom was "No eye contact"? Followed closely by "No using urinals side-by-side"?