Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML
Today, well into my second year at university, I still haven't made a single friend. FML
Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML
Today, I've had to accept that, despite my efforts to stay in touch with the few friends I made at college, I have zero friends. FML
Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, in a nightclub packed with people, I enthusiastically went in for a handshake with someone but they went for a fist bump. We both ended up doing the awkward “Pull back and retry” dance for a solid five seconds. I think I just lost all credibility. FML
Today, while away at college, I had a flirty relationship with a girl living on the floor below me. It turned physical. Heavy petting, making out, lots of over the clothes stuff. Home on break and visiting my girlfriend at work, there she is, working with her, standing side by side as I walked up! What?! FML
Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML
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Top comments
Scorpitarrius 0
Look on the bright side...no STDs!
haadi9 4
physical contact with the opposite sex is overrated
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Comments (50)
shaniqualee 2
You must...be super ugly. super super ugly. Disease like ugly.
viva_la_blondes 15
You must....be bitchy. Super super bitchy. Bitch-like bitchy.
darkmis1 18
why don't you go up to a guy yourself, instead of waiting for a guy to come to you?
shamille 5
he IS a guy. and the security guard is a girl! *squee!*
Amysbodybetrayal 0
I'm almost tempted to say you deserve it. I mean, what have you been doing at these parties? Hiding in the bathroom? If you really wanted physical contact with the opposite sex, then you should have no problem finding it at a party. I suspect that part of this problem is something that you are bringing upon yourself. Go have a drink, loosen up, and actually party!
darkblue_13 0
What kind of parties are we talking about here? alcohol is involved, right? If you have been actually trying (dansing, flirting, asking girls out), FYL.
YtotsDI 0
dancing*
sabrinalovey 0
you spelled dancing wrong, but i agree. if you're not gonna try, dont post about i. you have no sympathy from me
MadeOfAwesome 1
You forgot the "T" in "it".
TheDoge 0
:D
GatorBites 0
Try meeting people in other places.
imajinethat 0
Maybe try some parties where there isn't a security guard? Like, illegal, underage, horny teenager parties.
twiggly 0
#21 made me laugh. But YDI OP. I don't say it often, as there's usually a good reason why the **** up is not the OP fault. But in this case this one has YDI written all over it. Determine which ethnic group in your area is the most shy. If a chick of that group is at a party without a big group of her own ethnicity, chances are she's very comfortable with herself and what she likes to do. It doesn't always end up in sex or making out. But it's a good place to start if you know where to look. A good example: Here, Koreans are the shy ones at the university. I don't know why. But I have met a few that socialize outside their ethnic group. I was then introduced to many koreans who only hung around the circle of koreans, and it was easy to see that the personality differences were huge. The korean girls I knew that socialized outside the circle were (good) crazy! They loved to party, meet guys, drink, etc etc. It was like they didn't want to be introverts like their ethnic brethren and they partied 10 times harder to prove they were not like them. So, in conclusion, it might help if you keep your eyes open at school and other parties about which nationalities/elasticities in your area are shy. MIGHT being the key word. It also depends on how you get your foot in the door. Anyways, good luck putting your P in a V.
will90 5
Get a good wingman.
Underwhelmed 0
You just found out? Have you been unconscious for two years? Maybe if you put down the bong and become aware of your daily activities, you will find a girl.
palmtrees 1
Ha that was exactly my thought... "Today, I realized..." would have made sense, but this not so much.
RubixMonkey 0
Um wow...shallow much. Do you have a penis or is it detachable cause the other one is in your ass.
RubixMonkey 0
Smart person. Yea some of us work for our money. She works hard for her money!! And not as giggilo and prostitutes.
chronicwanker 4
hahaha borderline retards ay? swweeeet! dude! sweet!
ForestFire0 1
I think it's one of those situations like in that movie "Click" (I'm sure there's a better movie with the same scenario, but I can't think of one) where his life has been on fast forward for two years and he doesn't remember it. Or maybe he's discovered time travel, and decided to find out how much action he gets in college.
the_coon_fml 0
haha the other movie is miss march. where he gets knocked out right be fore he gets laid for the first time n wakes up later and his gf is miss march.
toink 0
So, now you're turning straight? Decide for once!
MadeOfAwesome 1
What exactly are you doing at said parties then?! /: