Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML
Today, well into my second year at university, I still haven't made a single friend. FML
Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML
Today, I've had to accept that, despite my efforts to stay in touch with the few friends I made at college, I have zero friends. FML
Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML
Today, in a nightclub packed with people, I enthusiastically went in for a handshake with someone but they went for a fist bump. We both ended up doing the awkward “Pull back and retry” dance for a solid five seconds. I think I just lost all credibility. FML
Today, while away at college, I had a flirty relationship with a girl living on the floor below me. It turned physical. Heavy petting, making out, lots of over the clothes stuff. Home on break and visiting my girlfriend at work, there she is, working with her, standing side by side as I walked up! What?! FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Scorpitarrius 0
Look on the bright side...no STDs!
haadi9 4
physical contact with the opposite sex is overrated
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (50)
chronicwanker 4
seriously dude the chicks at uni parties are drunken *****. HIT THAT SHIT!
TheMeow 0
Hah, I feel sorry for you. I go to most of the UNSW parties. People always crack onto me. FYL. Perhaps I could introduce you to some people if you are talking about the UNSW parties.
Rats_fml 0
...how do you go to uni parties and FAIL to get laid....? Do you speak to people...? That's usually a good start mate.
RubixMonkey 0
Looking at a chicks boobs and waiting for them to speak to you is not a good way to start any sort of relationship, unless her boobs actually talk--then that would be so cool.
rwac07 0
#1 are u gay? seriously...
nikkinq 7
go out to coffee instead to meet guys. one night stands are how you end up like me: almost 22, living with my parents, working two jobs and raising a 4-month old while her daddy plays video games an hours drive away.
Kevin721_fml 4
WAt bout ur mom
babahm_fml 0
I'm sorry OP. if you didn't get any action because you're ugly I'm truly sorry. if you didn't get any because you're too shy, I'm also sorry but hey there's help: just drink more than you did the last 2 years :D
sarahbear992 6
if you can't even score at college parties then you've got a serious problem OP. thats a bit sad :/
peterblackmer91 12
Wait what? You didn't find out until today that you've had no physical contact in 2 years? And going to every party sounds a bit desperate.