Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML
Today, well into my second year at university, I still haven't made a single friend. FML
Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML
Today, I've had to accept that, despite my efforts to stay in touch with the few friends I made at college, I have zero friends. FML
Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML
Today, in a nightclub packed with people, I enthusiastically went in for a handshake with someone but they went for a fist bump. We both ended up doing the awkward “Pull back and retry” dance for a solid five seconds. I think I just lost all credibility. FML
Today, while away at college, I had a flirty relationship with a girl living on the floor below me. It turned physical. Heavy petting, making out, lots of over the clothes stuff. Home on break and visiting my girlfriend at work, there she is, working with her, standing side by side as I walked up! What?! FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Scorpitarrius 0
Look on the bright side...no STDs!
haadi9 4
physical contact with the opposite sex is overrated
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (50)
RubixMonkey 0
Dude I am sorry but that is your own fault. I'm a freshman this year and even I know that drunk girls at parties lower their standards. Maybe you are so uptight about the parties that you don't relax. Do you actually talk to people or just spend the nights in a corner? You have to put yourself out there. Even if you were not attractive there would be someone there who would make out with you.
Kaplowitz 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwlHVPbYyDc
RubixMonkey 0
lolz
jkd_fml 0
http://all-the-exgirlfriends.info/?uid=44
violentturtle 0
Today? You just found that out today?
visage 0
That's your own fault. I witnessed friends, and/or myself, taken everything from crack ****** to fatties to borderline retards. If you cannot get laid in two years at college you never will.
mattmag 0
Funny, I'm in the same position. Except I'm the security guard.
lesbee 0
Get out of my iPhone. You are uglyfying it.
xYunqDrex 0
Well, if no one from the opposite sex touched you that should tell you something about yourself. You must be extra ugly. How do you not get any play in a college party? College girls, the same girls that get drunk and end up on girls gone wild, dont wanna touch you? well the only advice i have for you is get your sock and **********. that or become gay. your choice.
kaitlynadele 0
What do you mean you "found out"? How could you not know?
RubixMonkey 0
Um, gay people have the same standards as straight people. OP, talk to some girls and see what they say you could improve. You could just be acting too aloof or dressing like your dad. Also maybe a new haircut or going to the gym would help?
bobby9101 0
You're going to the wrong kind of parties if there is a security guard stamping your hand. No wonder you never get any action