Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML
Today, well into my second year at university, I still haven't made a single friend. FML
Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML
Today, I've had to accept that, despite my efforts to stay in touch with the few friends I made at college, I have zero friends. FML
Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
Today, in a nightclub packed with people, I enthusiastically went in for a handshake with someone but they went for a fist bump. We both ended up doing the awkward “Pull back and retry” dance for a solid five seconds. I think I just lost all credibility. FML
Today, while away at college, I had a flirty relationship with a girl living on the floor below me. It turned physical. Heavy petting, making out, lots of over the clothes stuff. Home on break and visiting my girlfriend at work, there she is, working with her, standing side by side as I walked up! What?! FML
Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Scorpitarrius 0
Look on the bright side...no STDs!
haadi9 4
physical contact with the opposite sex is overrated
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (50)
haadi9 4
physical contact with the opposite sex is overrated
thequickredofox 0
*gasp* Wash your mouth out! Blasphemy! or is that a typo and should read "physical contact with the opposite sex is x-rated"? Sorry OP that's a definite FYL
LewJH 0
Maybe with you, haadi9...
haadi9 4
har har
DeathShad0 1
I agree number 1. OP, boohoo you'll live.
maxv_15 0
that is why you don't spend every day partying, and you spend some time at the gym/the beach. why go to parties if you have nothing to offer
dave202 0
No, parties are overrated
the_coon_fml 0
nice pic!
plexico 4
I wonder if that is a comment on you or the guys you go out with. I'd said physical contact with the opposite sex is almost as good as food. Actually, some really good physical contact is better than a lot of kinds of food.
Atmaster 3
I found out why it's because you are to freaking nerdy for anyoneto pay attention
davizv 0
yes yes but truth is he HASN'T lived. hopefully by now he has
mrda 0
Who told you to be gay?
esodrevOcinorhC 0
Awesome comment is awesome
Randomassdude 0
he did it with passion though (:?
peoc 0
... and also fun ( #1)
Scorpitarrius 0
Look on the bright side...no STDs!
Jotham 0
Any eye-contact?
xMooMoox 0
Lol exactly what I was thinking
KnotSlipKnoTSiC 0
YDI for living in sydney
moonlight_daze 8
LULZ! :D
M13LO 0
well there's one way to get pussy... buy a cat sorry if I'm double posting fml isn't showing my comment
Chaith 16
Even when there aren't any mention of cats OR pussy, this joke claws its way in. So bad.
tingting1 0
two years and no physical contact?! in UNIVERSITY???? wtf have you been doing that whole time? YDI for not trying?
Ch0sen 13
He's having mental contact instead
michboy007 0
WTF.it's a party u dance with the opposite sex. wat kind of ****** party r u going to
nodbor 11
all men. So OP, go out and buy some lipstick and put it on the edge of your thumb and first finger and make a hand puppet. alright, alright.
playfuldesk 0
Touch yourself
moonlight_daze 8
I know, right?