Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
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Top comments
DKjazz 20
I just love the wording of this FML.
sunnyt 5
Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?
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Comments (225)
CapnCapes 4
I think you need a different dream...
Missy2612 11
wow I had to do a double take there ! almost missed the "genital warts" part... glad you didnt, buddy.
brandoneyez1 25
One in the hand is worth none in the bush.. Lol
rcgirl2 11
The girl of your dreams, the girl you want to make sweet love to, has a disease and you still want to make love to her? Pshhh I'd find a different girl.
tiarrae 10
You should reread the FML again.
SephoraGypsy 15
I'd love to temporarily experience the thought process of certain people. "I'm going to read this hilarious anecdote, then utterly misconstrue the point completely! Ahhh job well done, vacant-area-where-my-brain-should-be."
doglover569 0
Excuse me while I throw up
inkblotdrummer 6
I had to Reread the part about genital warts because I didn't pick up the first time.
realeah 4
I was wondering where the FML was in this... Up until I saw an add-on to genital. Genitals generally shouldn't be followed by anything, or else it's bad- genital warts, genital bleeding, genital infections... Bad things follow genitals.
talloctopus 7
Im sorry, your dream girl is a *****..
RKD 23
Dude, I don't know how this is a FYL-to me, it'd be a TGIFOF-THANK GOD I FOUND OUT FIRST!!!!!
unknown_user5566 27
Well, I was turned on up until the "genital warts" bit. OP, you should consider a career in erotic novels. ;)
Epsilonyx 15
Fifty Shades of Pink Genital Warts.