Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
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Top comments
DKjazz 20
I just love the wording of this FML.
sunnyt 5
Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?
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Comments (225)
Irishgypsy 2
Virgin??? I think not!!! Keep dreaming
JakesLife101 0
Now it's a beautiful nightmare
alexa9510 1
That is disgusting... at least you noticed in time.
greatfirstdate 18
Are you sure it wasn't just razor bumps? I shave down there, and it brings up red, irritable bumps. How do you know it's not that?
Mademoiselle_fml 34
Could be, but better safe than sorry I suppose :s
JadeWalker 14
I pretty sure u dont shave the inner area for hair doesnt grow there and thats where the bumps would be.
xBunnehAddictx 6
Genital warts? What the ****. O.O
mrsquiggles6900 5
Oh, is that what the FML said? Thanks for informing me:D
Senseless_487 29
Sucks that that happened, but here's a ****** up statistic for you. 3 out of every 4 people have some form of HPV. Sucks to think about it, but I would suggest getting the vaccine. A series of 3 shots, and it prevents and cures most forms of HPV. The more you know!
Leslier_fml 4
Genital warts...**** her life
satanisthesavior 21
And people wonder why I don't really care about sex. If you really stop to think about the statistics that go with it (the number of people who have various STDs, pregnancy, etc.), it's really not worth the marginal pleasure you get from it. I'll take masturbating over putting myself at risk for that shit any day. Only time I would go with sex was if it was with someone I knew was clean, and if I had a condom or they were on birth control. Also, as others pointed out, are you sure it wasn't just razor bumps? I wouldn't think they would look similar enough to get them confused but I could see how that would happen...
thetoxiclion 4
TL;DR
MuseFan1991 14
if you think that was long you should try reading a book
Vulkfury 8
Nice, nice, ni..... Wait the **** you just say?, man slowly make your way to the door and then run
Sir_drink_alot 20
If you love someone you share everything, including genital warts :p