Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
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Top comments
DKjazz 20
I just love the wording of this FML.
sunnyt 5
Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?
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Comments (225)
blue2012 7
Ewwwe! She was a nasty bitch.
towboater198425 6
Looks like he followed the most important rule of first time sex! Exploratory foreplay with the lights on!!!!!
freelancejouster 4
Looks like a frog got to your princess first!
HeartOfLead 24
What OP? Are you not in for a ... Bumpy ride.
GlOMARiE 2
Wow thats sexy
xdivadivax 3
Sometimes you get genital warts from your first ever boyfriend who you were with for two years. Cheating bastard. So not everyone who gets them is a *****. So next time you judge, stfu.
grudger 14
Had to skim that twice to make sure it really said that
palan 0
Ewie.
Cuba46 0
Meh..I would've put on a condom and dealt with it...
mop909head 1
Haha what a ****, she is ****** up for not coming out straight with that. Dumb bitch