Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
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Top comments
DKjazz 20
I just love the wording of this FML.
sunnyt 5
Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?
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Comments (225)
mrnuleef 7
Thats a major boner kill
racerapj 10
You don't say?
therealslim 15
Yes, he does say.
MissIconic 8
Not much of a dream girl if you ask me :)
theslimshadylp 6
Better back out of that
Enslaved 38
Be glad you stopped. You won't always be a virgin but she'll always have warts! :P
DKjazz 20
I like the way this comment is worded.
Feared 9
37- calm down, and try enjoying semantics over syntax.
panda_burrito 2
Actually, genital warts are curable. You may be thinking of genital herpes which is uncurable
fuzz97 23
"You're enjoying that comment incorrectly. Let me show you how to do it right." -46
citymayer 7
Uncurable isn't a word. You meant incurable. The more you know! :D On second thought, it's highly likely it was a typo.. But just on the off chance it wasn't, the correction still stands.
jellycorn 13
Incurablinosity!
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Genital warts is a cause of the HPV virus, thus is not curable. Try again :-)
FlyingPie 17
160 - Diseases don't cause viruses, it's the other way around. The HPV virus is a cause of genital warts.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
I said that HPV causes genital warts, did I not?
babycakesxx 11
It is actually curable
cloth101 5
Oh my gosh. Just to clear this up: HPV virus is incurable. Once you have it you have it. The physical manifestation of the genital warts, however, are 'curable' by the means that they may only flair up once in your whole life and when/if they do you can do certain things to get rid of them, e.g. Freezing them off. You can have the HPV virus with no symptoms at all. So to conclude: HPV = incurable. Warts = curable.
kieferr 8
I hope you bailed brother. Find another beautiful woman and save yourself.
JustKittyKat 24
I am so happy you were smart enough to stop! Good for you! :)
hockeyoceancity 13
Well i think his boner just dropped the second he saw the warts along with his image of his "Dream Girl" so i don't think it was hard for him to say no!
CanCann 16
That's why I make my partners show me their std testing paperwork BEFORE we get busy. You'd be surprised at how much more you can be sexually when that "what if" factor is removed.
isaiaah 6
Yummy. Extra protein!! Still the girl of your dreams?
icychill10_fml 6
I love your name. I wonder why?
FlashBurn 13
Would have topped it off if it was that time of month too. Hey, everyone needs to get laid! Though I can't say shit I guess. I haven't yet, but by choice.
br0ccoli 15
By choice? What's the reason. Just curious.
hockeyoceancity 13
70- You're 14.
FlashBurn 13
STD's, children, personal values, just that. I've had my chances, just haven't taken them. Just waiting until I find one that I want to stay with or might be worth marrying before I go that route. Given my age, they're kinda hard to find. Though Texas women have never really been my style and too many of my friends just keep getting screwed over by their girlfriends. Maybe I'm just too patient, lol.
Syneriam 7
74- And you're 17, Now that we got that out of the way please do tell me what his age has to do with anything. He never implied he was having sex (which if he was/is it's none of our business really) he just said that he respected his decision to wait, but it was not his exactly. I though he was just stating his opinion, but correct me if I am wrong.
dcg1375 7
Oh teenage rumors...gotta love them. No girl has had to have their stomach pumped for swallowing too much semen. Worst case she would vomit it all up. But you are looking at over 20 guys that have been saving up for awhile.
br0ccoli 15
81 - I was surprised that you're open about it. It's good that you stayed true to what's right for you. Good luck finding that special girl :) 97- I wouldn't believe everything you hear. Her stomach most likely got pumped because of the alcohol, not the semen. I really hope 5 guys didn't **** into her mouth. Thinking about that just makes me sad.
thatlegit 11
And your point is ?
AznSamoan52 10
It's better to be a virgin than getting an STD on your first time doing the nasty. :(