Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
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Top comments
DKjazz 20
I just love the wording of this FML.
sunnyt 5
Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?
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Comments (225)
TheTallPerson 3
That's one way to get cockblocked.
BrIEB1590 7
P
Silentsister_fml 0
so the lighting must have been extraordinary for you to see this. hmmm
cristy91 33
The moral of this story is the girl of your dreams could be the girl of many realities, so approach with caution
Kibaruto 33
She's a keeper. Show her to your parents
linkinpark98 24
Why are there so many "He/She is a keeper" comments? Those are so outdated, and quite frankly, are ******* annoying. Please! Do the inter-webs a favor, and use more original comments!
EllyBear__ 11
51 - As much as I agree, I feel the need to point out that you have a fairly common meme as your profile picture, and a band name as your username.
linkinpark98 24
And? I happen to like Linkin Park and this meme, but I don't type annoying comments about it and throw it in other people faces.
ZeroIce 12
That was kinda mean... She cant help that she has those warts.
TheTallPerson 3
Actually no it wasn't. She can treat those warts or not be a bitch when someone gets disgusted of them and maybe someone will like her for who she is.
SammyS2012 21
Giving the benefit of the doubt, she could have gotten the warts during an encounter with a person she trusted. However, there are means of protection and even those aren't 100% effective. When you're having sexual relations with a person, there are certain scenarios that could happen. So while she might not have deserved the warts, unless she was sleeping around like crazy, she should not insult a person because they didn't want to have sex with her because of it. That's petty and cruel of her.
outoftown 27
171, thank you. I was astounded that no one before you mentioned that you need to be mature enough to talk to each other about sexual health BEFORE any type of sex.
pieman1234 4
No glove no love
brilliantideas 6
Glove does not protect against herpes!!! Go to the CDC site and get a little education.
Senseless_487 29
And herpes have nothing to do with HPV, which is what this FML is about. But a condom still does very little to protect against warts, as well.
MuseFan1991 14
152- i thought HPV was cervical cancer? iv had the vaccination for it
Senseless_487 29
HPV is the virus that causes genital warts, but yes, it can also cause cervical cancer, and even penile cancer. They started offering the vaccine to males a couple years ago, as well, so I went ahead and got it, too.
MuseFan1991 14
ah i see, thanks for the new fact :)
outoftown 27
55, you got the basics right. For those who thought not: Some HPV strains cause genital warts, others can cause cervical cancer, and people can carry more than one strain of HPV. Condoms provide limited protection against HPV (depending somewhat on location of wart/lesion/incipient outbreak) and a LOT of protection from other (and worse) STIs/STDs. That condoms don't protect against everthing is NO excuse to not use them regularly. (Nor an excuse to use them without having "the sex talk" before any type of sex.) End of lecture.
TheNewGuy03 29
...and this is the part where I tell *everyone* to get the vaccine (Gardasil) for HPV, which causes genital warts. Seriously, man; if you plan on ever banging, just do it. And, of course, get regular checks, and be safe and shit. Peace.
Zachthejoker 10
There's always something
Steve95401 49
An STD is something - but it's not something that you'd want.
jizzwold 21
63- your meme is bad and you should feel bad
Zachthejoker 10
It's better than whatever your picture is
bdathorne 6
This fml is worded spectacularly, good job OP. as for the girl, I'd redefine "dream" if I were you.
zine_fml 5
Bet!