Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.
melchibr_fml 0
sounds like your evening was short
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Comments (290)
YdoIhaveAchode 4
Do you have a chode by chance?
Twisted_Angel 17
*giggles* ooops sorry if that brought up a painful memory...
JojoChuo 8
She liked what she saw... Don't complain, it's a compliment xp
JojoChuo 8
Oops, I thought she said take her home as in to get laid, my bad..
shooterbuddy 8
Ha ha ha haaaaa xxxxx
olpally 33
If it was a compliment op would have gotten laid not laughed at...
KrisNico03 4
Confront her ass!
WordSmyth 2
Yeah confront that ass, confront that ass real good!
dogpup4 23
Maybe she just got nervous. Probably cos your junk is small though.
mrahhhhh 21
Why don't more people say "junk" instead of "stuff" or "package" ? It's the better word!
Buzzy123 7
What a trooper.
KnucklesDeep 5
I hope you tore that **** a new one.
Enslaved 38
With what? lol
KrisNico03 4
Lmao
22cute 17
You must be pretty small to react so violently.
stewy78 2
Hope it's a small one, then you will be able to fill her up.
PeteElMalo 0
I hope you told her to take herself home
rj33445 4
Damn. Grimmy girl