Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
perdix 31
It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.
melchibr_fml 0
sounds like your evening was short
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (290)
melchibr_fml 0
sounds like your evening was short
FinJage 18
Shorter than his junk?
Georgieeporgiee 9
She sounds like legend!
itsaseceret 5
1. your comment made my day.:D
stephan18 23
I think we're gonna hear a lot more from this guy on FML! :)
MIAMIDJ 0
Haha she might cum later
ThreeSheetsGone 12
The one-inch wonder is at it again! He must be stopped!
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
How do so many people justify clicking YDI? What are they thinking? "well next time have a bigger dick, duh."
jimbobpro87 0
more like his a one stroke n he blew wen she touched him
ThreeSheetsGone 12
34- You're thinking of the two-pump chump, and he hasn't been around in a while.
xxkabammxx 0
Sounds like the evening wasn't the only thing thy was short
tjv3 10
she didn't want no short short man
kennedyboopants 1
Ha..
JustHello123 1
Haha small dick much?
mahomie97 7
Haha thts not the only thing that's short(;
intothecrypt 3
106 is right. for example; my patience for repetitive comments.
StoryOfTheYear 15
110- I wish we could co-write comments, my friend.
zbajis 7
Haha I don't think the evening was the only short thing! Wink wink! Happy now 110?
MrShizzBear 0
1- your my new FML legend, right behind Story.
intothecrypt 3
That would be a strong collaboration indeed. Thanks, that actually means something coming from you, you're well-known and have good taste in music.
intothecrypt 3
I hate when comments get displaced, that just happened to me. But that's an honor, Story, I appreciate it.
intothecrypt 3
My comment would show up right after I post a second one. Let the thumbs down for triple posting begin.
StoryOfTheYear 15
^^^ Dang, I'm getting the love tonight :D Yah, just I get fed up with repeated comments, sometimes it's understandable if it's like 30 comments down and they repeat of it is under #1's thread, but repeating the comment that you're commenting on in an attempt to make a joke just astounds me. Btw 130, idk if I'm a legend, I just comment a lot :P
StoryOfTheYear 15
*the repeat
Honda288 2
Ahahaha, that's some funny shit!
stro88 6
Bro shoulda shaved the jungle man. You were probably too hairy and she thought there was a teddy bear in your pants. Let the animal loose after the haircut.
JPabla03 0
Love you picture man!
Ausha313Fierce 0
Haha!!!!
ppatty 0
epic 100 lol
FarSide 23
It does not indicate that his pecker was short. He may have creamed in her hand within 3 seconds.
gress269 4
sounds like shes bustin your balls... oh wait, no, she isnt...
zyzy92 8
Is it possible to grab something that small!?
eatpussy 0
Maybe OP is justin beiber...
ck11_fml 1
well some ladies can't get off with a dude with a small penis so... why should she suffer just to make him happy? altho she could've at least made up some excuse. no need to destroy the man's pride.
fmlcurtain 4
U really got it! Well done :)
perdix 31
It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.
schpanki 11
Perdix - boosting the confidence of many, many effed lives since... Whenever you started. Kudos to you sir!
Sweej 1
You only wish that was the same case for you, sir.
perdix 31
Oh, thanks, I consider myself an amateur Encourager, and hope to go pro soon.
nellienicole 1
It's not the size, but how you use it. What a bitch for not giving you a chance. f her life.
bigguy123456 2
67- but the size has a lot more to do with it..
spartan522114 0
False, a ****** is 3-4 inches of pleasure areas, most tools should do the trick length wise.
poostool 5
Girth not length. Always insert a couple fingers along with your baloney. You'll either show her a good time or tear her sex trying.
nellienicole 1
Well yea but if you're not blessed with size you just gotta try a little harder then
browncity23 0
Indeed Perdix... That's what I've told myself everytime thats happened...
babyschmoo 13
I wish I could like this comment more than once
enonymous 9
She also never said which home. She could have needed more pillows and a mattress to brace for such an impact
schaflava 0
That big **** always does the trick. Ripping it and stickin her kidneys.
Tjissie 2
My sister was in that play
bannedforlife 0
Mmm, it kinda is the size.
StoryOfTheYear 15
No idea why, but this whole thread reminds me of that PowerThirst section where the guy yells "Bear Blasting!". Don't mind me, I'm just here.
FuckOffNoob 6
no it's not
pvtgrey6289 4
"it's not the size if the boat, it's the motion of the ocean...but it's always a plus to have big ass boat."
KatherineAnne 7
Size matters. Whether good or bad is a matter of opinion. Some like small. Or so I've heard.
cbdee 8
Agreed!
ck11_fml 1
82- I'm not a lady, but from what I've heard, that's completely false. a guy with a small **** can get a girl off in other ways (some girls say they can't get off by g-spot stimulation anyway) but all the girls I've known who climax during sex say a larger than average **** is important. of course, I have no ******* idea what larger than average is, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say its not 3-4 inches
Richard16 0
cough cough EXTENDS cough cough
otb113 7
Extenze* cough cough
herpitydurteedur 0
Yeah. When you read the fine print it basically says that if you stop taking the product that not only will you no longer be as large as you were while taking the product, but you'll also shrink down a little bit.
Richard16 0
i was just giving some ideas. i wouldnt know wat it says because im all good in my part and never have bought anything like that.
absolutegrrr 7
87, judging by your profile picture and the advice you just gave, I don't believe that for a second.
poopybutt12345 0
Everyone will most likely think I'm lying, but I know a guy that took too many extenze for too long and his dick skin broke like a hot dog in a microwave. I'd stay away from extenze.
guckylynn 19
181, that sounds like an urban legend.
Give_Linux_A_Go 28
198 are you willing to prove it?
docscientist 10
199 - no, because it sounds retarded.
divadro102 16
The start of something new ;)
otb113 7
Maybe you just didn't shave? or your dick is the size of a hot wheels car.
EricHassli94 4
Why did you choose a hot wheels car to compare it to?
stephan18 23
^childhood memories?
miraggg 1
Cocktail weenie
newjerseyguy 0
A hot wheels car? lmfao
EricHassli94 4
Yes that is a possibility
ramboman19 8
A Hot-Wheels car, specifically the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile! XD
altigue 0
Rofl all I wanna be Is an Oscar Meyer weiner
davek 36
Did the door hit her ass on the way out?
knight0748 5
Pretend it never happened, suppress it in you memories and hope you don't go psycho one day and scream at your kidnapped victim "Who you calling little ****?!?!"
leadman1989 16
"i'll show you who's little around here" Pulls out junk *kidnap victim starts giggling "take me home please"
idontcare8l 3
Okay if i could ide thumbs up that like 5 times! ^^^^^
randii_17 11
That is a disturbing scenario to think of...
phantom55_fml 7
have she heard of the little engine that could??well she should of let your little engine in her big tunnel :-)
TheNewGuy03 29
Is your last name Littlejohn? |the kid|
Bassmasterclassi 2
Do you get your material from Tyler Perry?
Bassmasterclassi 2
Do you get your material from Tyler Perry?
TheNewGuy03 29
Wow, I wasn't even aware that he said that. :/
Juggoro 0
Confront her about it and ask her if she smelled tuna coming from her pants that day :3
katiebearr10 0
Ruudeee asshole just rude
bigguy123456 2
Its not rude after what she pulled..
oops_im_fucked 8
No way your 17 and liking justin bieber and Cody Simpson, I think you just added a 1 to Ur age...