Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
It was probably because your **** was too big and mighty for her. She was afraid you might hurt her, so she wanted to go home and practice some Kegels to be ready for you in the future. Yeah, go with that.
melchibr_fml 0
sounds like your evening was short
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Comments (290)
SwtCherryPie 26
A little manscaping can go a long way ;)
Shayton 12
Haha. Just tell her you not on hard yet.
leadman1989 16
"Nothing baby penis" "Well yes I have a baby peni- ooooohhhhh well for your information i don't want a big penis I think they're messy" Lmao Strut out like stewie did. :p
anorexicbarbie 8
Just stop.
leadman1989 16
But are you not ENTERTAINED!!? I could see if I was cause causing trouble but, I just wanna get along with everyone.
KiddFlash 0
Fyl
ScuseMePrincess 2
Just tell everyone she has a huge, cavernous ******, OP.
BadKitty13 28
BITCH !
btbamfan75 0
ouch, im sorry bro. youll find a girl that will love your penis.
Naeeboo 4
woww, yes really FYL.! lol
captainbj2 0
Make her walk home. Then tell everyone she was the worst you ever had.
allknowingbrony 5
Jesus, that bitch is shallow as a ******* puddle
HomeAl0ne 20
Well, I think if that was the actual case she'd be happy with OP. My guess is that she's not afraid of him bottoming out though...