Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML
Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
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Top comments
saintsrocksocks 10
Well somebody has to do it if you won't.
ChefPhilly 13
Maybe somebody isn't doing their job enough...
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Comments (265)
Enslaved 38
I've also heard some guys say that if they could do it, they would but none admitted that they would swallow. :P And if they were able, I wouldn't consider it a gay act. I've heard of some girls that can lick their own breast. I can't (but tried, haha) and never thought of it being anything other than self pleasuring.(:
destraa 1
Learn some new tricks for going down on him.
gottalovecondoms 0
Whats wrong with that, I do it all the time.
gottalovecondoms 0
Same
Briiyahh 7
O.o oookkkk
eman1972 4
I believe if you were doing your job he wouldn't want to do that. However if all guys could suck their own dick they would never get married.
perdix 31
Why would he tell you that? If he succeeds, you'll be out of a 'job. When companies want to make some workers obsolete, they secretly get the alternative up and running, then suddenly fire the employees. Management knows that a worker who knows his days are numbered can be dangerous.
dDailydDosage 8
At least he's not looking for anyone else to do your job... Could be worse
FML_14u2c 14
NASTY!
lylotrezor 20
Admit it, OP, you're jealous.
anaciraptor 0
that's repulsive.