Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML
Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
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Top comments
saintsrocksocks 10
Well somebody has to do it if you won't.
ChefPhilly 13
Maybe somebody isn't doing their job enough...
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Comments (265)
Bigmoneyshotz 0
Well you know what they say "if I could suck my own dick I'd never leave the house" guess he's planning on staying in from now on!
outoftown 27
#40, You're not the only one who thought that.
seamly 1
It's physically impossible. Men need to shave off some ribs before they can do that.
porkpiehat 8
It's very possible, but he'll likely throw his back out doing it. Friend of mine worked in the ER and got cases of guys trying to self-fellate that didn't work out so well.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
You have obviously missed to the hundreds of **** videos out there that are nothing but men sucking their own dicks, which prove your statement wrong. It's improbable but not impossible, just takes flexibility and dedication.
Calyx_fml 22
It is possible. They do it in gay ****. You need a 12" **** though.
tracyle 2
I worked in an MHMR facility and there was a guy there who was able to do this and did so quiet frequently
sbd123 5
Way to ruin the dream.
cdelton22 3
I've done it twice without going to the er. Though it's not easy, but I used to be really flexible. I couldn't ever deep throat . That would get me to the hospital
AClassActx3 7
Thats just nasty for him to even say.
BubbleGrunge 18
Perhaps you should show him that you're much better at sucking it than he will ever be?
Calyx_fml 22
Also to check out the hot yoga chicks in spandex doing cat/cow and down dog.
phatdaddy62 23
Damn straight!
brianjman14 23
Same reason why Nathan, Pickles, Murderface, and Skwissgaar tried to take yoga.
bstudds 1
I thought about metalocalypse too
Llama_Face89 34
Yoga can make you flexible enough for that? Sign me up!!
mnvikes 7
Kelsko voice *thats just nasstttyyyyy*
Lord_Nord 4
Take a hint woman!!!
tj4234 36
isn't that why guys learn yoga? If noone else can't do it right, do it yourself?