Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML
Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
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Top comments
saintsrocksocks 10
Well somebody has to do it if you won't.
ChefPhilly 13
Maybe somebody isn't doing their job enough...
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Comments (265)
Meme1988 18
Thats original! I cannot say i know someone do this
Naomimi_fml 6
^Think of it this way: a man prefers having a mouth on his penis
xNiiiiiCKx 4
Guys have all tried at one point or another i guarantee it. You clearly aren't doing your job as a wife to keep him happy so he doesn't have to pleasure himself.
NoBuenoLeno 9
Sucking dick did not come with the wife manual
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He could just buy a ******* flesh-light.
rogerover 19
Obviously not written by a man. But any guy that marries a woman that won't suck his dick deserves what he gets.
RedPillSucks 33
@22 Seriously? Guys have all tried this? That's overly assumptive.
xNephilim 19
A lot of guys really have tried it from what I've gathered. It's kind of, well, normal, I suppose.
SkoomaKi 28
A might feat indeed. It means you don't have to blow him, don't complain!
saintsrocksocks 10
It also means he will have no need for a partner which will lead to a divorce.
Jennielee 6
Hahahaha!
Clamcreepy 7
Those ladies are very nice to look at when they flex and bend in all types of position. I much rather have a bendy straw bitch suck my dick than myself but to each your own
mhopper 13
Hopefully he gets flexible enough for better sex and will forget all about his little silly idea!!
dpr130498 7
Every man has tried that, if he is taking it so seriously, it means that you probably aren't doing well enough for him!
tony1891 22
I'm sorry. what? shouldn't that be a job for you?
night_saint 5
Has he taken advantage of YOUR flexibility, OP?
tarickman 13
I have to agree as long as he is taking advantage of her flexibility how can she complain about what he does with his own flexibility while she is gone?