Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML
Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
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Top comments
saintsrocksocks 10
Well somebody has to do it if you won't.
ChefPhilly 13
Maybe somebody isn't doing their job enough...
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Comments (265)
lemonzest13 2
Wow.
govan1107 1
I don't think some one is doing there job
drayloon 50
He wouldnt have to if you would just do your job lol
MisterEx 28
And you really bought that, OP? He clearly just wants to see a bunch of women in yoga pants. Mmmm. Yoga pants.
frank48307 1
Maybe you should take care of business.
tygerarmy 35
In an interview Ron Jeremy said he could no longer suck his own dick as his gut got in the way. So eating is better than sucking your own dick.
kaykay2234849 6
Tell him you're taking it so you can take care of your own business as well!
wubbazugg 5
Sounds like he's telling you something.
random_jay 6
If a man is flexible enough to suck his own dick does that make him gay or the luckiest man alive?
NightlyChecker 6
Maybe he wants to be the most envied **** star like Ron Jeremy? According to an interview he said that he couldn't do it because of his gut so maybe he wants to take his title. Hahaha, just a thought.