Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
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Top comments
Betz 10
Use that same amount of alcohol to get her drunk instead. Problem solved.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Get off the Internet, Raaj.
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Comments (105)
imsosleepy 9
I think it's time you decide which is more important.. Man up, OP.
electrorange 13
Or what's more 'IMPOTENT"!
mongooses 2
**** em then talk to them
iamyummylicious 14
Why does there gave be any talking at all?
SpicyDuck 22
Rajesh Koothrappali anyone?
eatdemcupcakes 4
Bazzinga punk
hubla 0
Maybe your secretly gay and that's why you couldn't get it up lol
amoscore 5
What's up Raj?
ss_20_xx 14
Talk about 'governtment failure.' Damn I've been studying too much economics.
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Time for some weed, OP.
tjv3 10
Why do you have to drink to get the nerve to talk to women. The worse that can happen is they reject you
CommiesRus 0
In Soviet Russia women kick men in balls as sign of rejection. Vodka numbs pain.
Ray_of_midnight 23
No, the worst that can happen is that they reject you, and then hold you up to public mockery and ridicule because you had the nerve to ask. Happened to me enough times in high school and college that I eventually stopped asking. :-(
Alelol 3
F' you americant
blushy 14
time to grow a pair op
i13Zero 5
YOLO
SocialAmethyst 20
Communist hippy!
immaMonsta 8
Liquid courage is a limited pass, you shouldn't do it all the time. You should try and build up your confidence another way.
MetalxSoldier 26
For me, drinking gives me a never ending boner. But I guess we're all different. Maybe he could try another drug to boost his confidence, may I suggest viagra?
immaMonsta 8
#10 Viagra is only good for the actual act of sex though. I don't know about other girls, but if a guy came onto me with a huge boner, I'd run the other way. I don't think Viagra is a good confidence booster before the ice breaker conversation, but definitely after the guy gets her in bed (if those are his intentions).
perdix 31
If he came onto you with a huge boner, he'd be finished and might prefer it if you left. ;)
ohSNAPyall 27
May I suggest being a gentleman and going down on your date?
Betz 10
Use that same amount of alcohol to get her drunk instead. Problem solved.
ya_momma 4
Raj from the big bang theory? You actually exist?
Tsunami87 17
That's a bonerfide problem, unlucky dude.
ninjacapo 2
^hes got the soft-sword. Maybe op needes bonerpills
indoorsy 3
Cockblocked by your own insecurities, ouch.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Get off the Internet, Raaj.
make_me_smile 4
u spelled raj wrong. and I know right!
sarbear293 4
That's exactly what I was thinking! Haha poor Raj:(
ohmandapants 17
30- You spelled "you" wrong. Hypocrite.
ladyLALAA 29
There is more then one documented way to spell the name Raaj.
eviegirl247 0
I love you.
mdtdnb 7
Bazinga!!!
perdix 31
Viagra. Plan B: When you get shitfaced and start talking to girls, get their numbers and make up some emergency that makes you leave abruptly. Don't drink as much on your date, so you can perform. Warning: Four-hour erections...blah, blah, blah. Use only as directed. Women who appear beautiful when you are drunk may be ******* ugly as shit.
BunBunBabe 8
Come on OP, it can't be THAT exact.. Keep trying! Try a different kind of alcohol too maybe.
Enslaved 38
Maybe take it slower and get to know these women instead of looking for one night stands. :P
bungee_fml 9
It's gonna be you and your hand alone for a long time.