Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
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Top comments
Betz 10
Use that same amount of alcohol to get her drunk instead. Problem solved.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Get off the Internet, Raaj.
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Comments (105)
SummerTime69 5
Raj from The Big Bang Theory has you beat.
alexalex224 0
Don't take a mans money
tigereye360 1
You commented on the wrong fml...
rubberduckie94 13
I think maybe just maybe if you are old enough to be legally drinking in a bar you should be able to talk to someone without the aid of alcohol. And since you reference talking to women and not being able to get a boner I am going to assume you are looking for random hook up. Maybe you should seek out a couple friends with benefits. Much safer in more ways than one than random strangers in a bar. You don't want to catch something.
5t3ff1k4h 47
I disagree; people can be painfully shy well into adulthood, and many are. Sometimes, you don't just "grow out of that".
mzkay7 1
Just relax and be yourself. That way you know the girl likes you for who you are :)
loufol22 5
Wow that sucks... Sorry I have no good advice
SeemsToFail 0
Thats not so bad...just talk to them and in a way this is a WIN, You dont want that thing to just pop up in the middle of a conversation
tdawg4200 0
Pay a hooker. Man up. By the way. Only losers and old people don't have sex
5t3ff1k4h 47
Um, sex is a choice. If a person isn't interested in sex and therefore doesn't want to have sex, it doesn't make them a loser. You're kind of an asshole.
5t3ff1k4h 47
27 - Personally, I hate when guys are overly cocky like that. I admire confidence but that's just ridiculous, and I'm sure I'm not the only girl who feels this way. We're not objects. Edit: Apologies for posting in the wrong spot. Didn't realize.
Rippin91 0
It's all in your head. Just be calm and collective, showing that you have confidence in yourself. Chicks really like that.
zach8771 3
That's good, you don't want a boner while talking to a girl