Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
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Top comments
jewjewbee 6
idiot. you PRETEND to be drunk. then you hook up with him, remember everything, are in control of how much you act like a fool, and can blame it on the alcohol later. puking isn't sexy.
Clever_Nick_Here 0
Not brave enough to just go hit on him? You asked for that one.
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Comments (102)
Jazzywrites007 2
Here We go... Making Women look Bad. Ugh.
canucksrule88 0
we dont automatically apply all these FMLs to all women... :)
americayay 0
Well, thank you number 11. And agreed number 1. I mean, a couple drinks to losen you up, maybe, but how much did she drink?!
ifzombiesattack 0
She Blamed It On The Al-A-A-Al-A-Alcohol.
toink 0
Well, now you have something else to talk about :3
darren824 0
women cant drink like men
youreanidiot 0
why didn't you just drink a little, pretend to be drunk, make your move, and then blame being drunk anyway?
americuzz 8
71- that's what I was thinking! but love makes us do crazy things;/
mantisman1212 10
With that profile pic... We don't need these FMLs
jewjewbee 6
idiot. you PRETEND to be drunk. then you hook up with him, remember everything, are in control of how much you act like a fool, and can blame it on the alcohol later. puking isn't sexy.
im_djibouti 0
took the words rght outta my mouth.
americayay 0
I love you number 2. Not to mention, you don't do anything you wouldn't NORMALLY do with a person, such as going to far or getting kinky or, you know, puking on him.
kittenmeow 0
haaa!! true!! maybe she was nervous and drank too much..WORD VOMIT!!!
tenkenshi 2
Exactly, she broke the first rule of getting laid, DON'T GET DRUNK!
lizardlips 1
YDI for not figuring out how to drink enough to PRETEND to be drunk....
mooshibear140 4
I completely agree with #2 abd #71. you should have faked being drunk so if you messed up "making a move" you could blame the alchohal even if you weren't REALLY drunk. learn to low. :P sorry YDI.
Clever_Nick_Here 0
Not brave enough to just go hit on him? You asked for that one.
djb23 0
Blame it on the goose, gotcha feeling loose Blame it on the 'tron, catch me in a zone Blame it on the a-a-alcohol Blame it on the a-a-alcohol
evangldbrg 0
Ahahaha...I was just about to post that until I read this...touche
TheCashMan88 0
What a stupid, annoying song. I cringe everytime I hear it.
screwtaylor 0
It is a gross song. Especially how they edited the dude's voice.
djb23 0
well **** you guys cause it's relevant in this situation!
crazzle 0
Oh come on. Can't you moderate alcohol what so ever?
thx1138_fml 0
wow. that makes your crush feel real good. that you have to get drunk to tell him anything. good luck getting a date with him.
kukopia 0
That's why it's a FML. Geezz, you really think you gotta spell that out 'cause you're so proud of yourself for figuring out?!? What a douche move!!
Chfanfiction 0
Wow, way to have bravery of any kind. Seriously, if you need to be inebriated to tell him how you feel then he doesn't deserve you.
Intoxicunt 6
Well, you're obviously an idiot. Your last hope is to just go with the whole airhead thing, and hope he finds it "cute". Remember, try to hide your gag reflex from guys. ;)
f_u_u_f_f 0
Um, yeah, most people drink in moderation and realize when they've had enough. Seriously one drink would have been enough to make you relaxed enough to approach him. Or none....grow a pair!
Plumppotato 3
she wasnt trying to get relaxed to approach him, she wanted to get shit faced, **** him, and if he regrets it the next day blame alcohol.
f_u_u_f_f 0
Sure, but the problem with this approach is alcohol impairs ability to sexually function. For women, first drink or two or three is fine. After that, downhiill from there. For men, drinking usually really messes up their ability to perform. So while I understand her intention, having just one or two and letting things happen as they would have better results. *AND SHE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN LAID!!*
screwtaylor 0
I agree with Intoxicunt. The OP is an idiot. And drunken moves aren't cute either. I think the OP thought just because she was drunk her crush would might want to sex her up.
Jaywin 3
Which isn't the way to go about winning over a "4 year crush". There are too many FMLs with people trying win over a crush or a cute guy/girl with these little gimmicks. What ever happened to just talking to someone you're attracted to and seeing where it goes?