Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
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Top comments
Betz 10
Use that same amount of alcohol to get her drunk instead. Problem solved.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Get off the Internet, Raaj.
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Comments (105)
Namenlos_fml 20
Speaking of triumphs of evolution, or intelligent design....
Akharr01 5
Enough is never enough
The_Great_Zucchi 15
edit: nvm
fiz1kaL 6
Fold it in half, stuff it in, and nature will fix itself. Unless your dick knows that the 10 is really a 2, than listen to it...
Argenisjose 9
Raj from the big bang theory is that you
happilyever2012 6
That stinks, sorry OP :(
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I'm sorry, but how can anyone say OP doesn't deserve this? If you need alcohol to talk to women, I suggest seeking professional help.
Girlybanana 2
Kootharppali?
Honda288 2
Well then your ******. Good luck with life my friend.
DaddyLongStroke 1
I you need is one, which can be blamed for all usual behaviors.