Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML
Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
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Top comments
Betz 10
Use that same amount of alcohol to get her drunk instead. Problem solved.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Get off the Internet, Raaj.
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Comments (105)
sealpop09 8
Well hello raj koothrappali
masterass333 0
Off to see the wizard!
ManiacsRose 10
At least you know you won't get an STD from black out sex, and if you find a girl at a bar - get comfortable enough so she wants to have sex with you, and don't initiate it while drunk - she'll probably jump on you when you finally go out on that sober date. Then you'll get sex alllllll the time. Depending on the girl. One night stands might be great, but they require rejection immunity/being able to be rejected without harm to confidence, charm, and experience. Higher chance of getting an STD, or a crazy person. Relationships/Dating you get to know the crazy person, and having a sexual history chat is foreplay.
MetalxSoldier 26
Well, I thought it was funny. Toy Story quote right?
Kayaker96 3
CATCH 22
Turock27 7
Rajesh!
picturescrazy 24
You seriously need alcohol to talk to women? I think you should work on that first, rather than try to get them to sleep with you & your whiskey dick (: Only girls you're going to be bringing home anyway are slutty, not worth the risk of catching something.
sarg1994 3
How much does that take?
tessabus87 0
Raj? Is that you?
ZeroIce 12
Hi Raj.