Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML
Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML
Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I approached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
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Top comments
ihartmytdi 23
Who knew that Chapstick could save you from a couple years of ridicule in college?
lchollett 22
Next time, try and save it by saying "Hey girl, guess what else this tongue can do." Trust me, no one will think it's creepy. *crosses fingers behind back*
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Comments (45)
Mathalamus 25
Well, that was a mistake...
MikaykayUnicorn 36
No, really?
cIouds 15
Please downvote me too. I want them all.
JohnnyDontCare 11
Embrace it!
ihartmytdi 23
Who knew that Chapstick could save you from a couple years of ridicule in college?
cosmic_peanut 17
that's delicious
jake131000 21
You should probably walk around campus and really exaggerate licking your lips. And then when everyone's staring at you... Put Chapstick on. It's the only way to regain your dignity.
teentee401 37
That's a damn shame
pleasedie 22
" Today, some weirdo licked his dry, chapped lips in front of me. What a creep. FML"
pleasedie 22
On second thought, I'm quite curious as to what kind of face you were making. Must've been amusing
theoldman 22
How small of a college do you go to for 1 awkward moment to make you a social pariah everywhere?
danceinconverse 25
Right?? I feel like that's probably not the only thing that caused people to give him that title.
Musicstruck17 24
She must have told others how creepy she felt and it spread around.
RelaxingPlace 11
In the UK college is something you normally do before University (16-18) so people don't travel far.
TabooSushi 24
So there's this awesome stuff called "lip balm," or if you need to be manly call it "chapstick," which when applied liberally and at regular intervals tends to take care of chapped lips, thus preventing such situations as this one. Frankly, more men need to learn of this product and actually use it.
ConfusedCat 11
Don't know why this is being downvoted. You're right.
Aerobic_Exorcism 13
I think it's because he's implying all men have chapped lips and are ignorant of the existence of lip balm. Or maybe people just don't like condescending comments.
TheNewGuy03 29
I have seen women with horribly chapped lips.
lchollett 22
Next time, try and save it by saying "Hey girl, guess what else this tongue can do." Trust me, no one will think it's creepy. *crosses fingers behind back*
Weasel14 8
and don't forget to wink