Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, we had cabbage. A lot of cabbage. The farts are so horrid I can barely stand myself. FML
Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML
Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML
Today, I was visiting friends in the country, and the property next to theirs has cows. Bored, I walked over to the fence and looked at a cow, who trundled over to the other side of the fence. I then saw the farmer staring at me and for some reason I said, "Just saying hi to your cow!" FML
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Top comments
WinterChild 20
The first person to come up with an air purifying butt plug is going to make millions.
TXfmylifer 10
I wouldn't worry OP, it's not like anyone can tell if your cows are "exceeding the limit" and then fine you or haul you off to jail.
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Comments (89)
WhereIsUsernames 14
Galt?
kctrl 8
....... HOW?
ohsnapword 21
I guess they solved the crime problem in California...
vendi1 2
I understand that it sounds ridiculous, but methane emissions from cows are an important cause of climate change. It sucks for cattle farmers, but the reality is they are causing these emissions and something needs to be done about it--otherwise our children and grandchildren will suffer the consequences.
Chlo1996 15
This is hilarious, how the bloody hell COULD it be regulated? Standing by it's arse and saying 'That's it for today Bertha' when it hits 10?
Birdie27 11
Are you the person who has to go out and measure the amount of each cow fart? cuz that does sound like FML.
monicak1 4
As mentioned in previous comments, the cows emissions are contributing massive portions of gases that are destroying the ozone layer. There are currently many studies investigating methods of reducing the gas output such as diet and breed of cow. The regulation law is meant to push farmers to start being more conscious of what the cows are releasing and to start looking for solutions
captainsmegma 12
A happy farting cow = a great steak and a cold glass of milk. Fart on Bessie fart on.
lee47_fml 6
Interesting posts, but the regulations are to decrease the manure. Too much sh## is not a good thing. Some farmers forget that there are ways of decreasing piles of sh## instead of ignoring it. Dairy farms can pile up a massive amount.
rogwest 23
This is what happens when you let limp wristed sissy ass liberals in charge… liberalism is a mental disorder…