Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, we had cabbage. A lot of cabbage. The farts are so horrid I can barely stand myself. FML
Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML
Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML
Today, I was visiting friends in the country, and the property next to theirs has cows. Bored, I walked over to the fence and looked at a cow, who trundled over to the other side of the fence. I then saw the farmer staring at me and for some reason I said, "Just saying hi to your cow!" FML
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Top comments
WinterChild 20
The first person to come up with an air purifying butt plug is going to make millions.
TXfmylifer 10
I wouldn't worry OP, it's not like anyone can tell if your cows are "exceeding the limit" and then fine you or haul you off to jail.
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Comments (89)
crazy_bananas 31
I was going to laugh and say what hick state thought that up, then I remember that my state thought it up.
gracehi 33
Hicks have more sense than that. Sure, a lot of them suffer from some backward thinking, but they fart and hang around livestock enough to know that you can't fight the cow fart.
acmariner99 25
Looks at location ... I am not surprised... what isn't regulated in CA?
ThrottleJockey 36
Stupidity is unregulated and runs rampant in the political arena. Politicians are the only people in the world whom have learned to defecate from both ends.
zyero 9
Meh I see why they are trying to do that, considering cows are creating more toxins than our motor vehicles as far as the ozone is concerned. It's got to do with their four stomachs. We'd swap back to bison simply because it's a better meat and less polluting, but they need massive spaces to roam compared to cows making it difficult for large scale production. I see where it's coming from but it's an effort in futility so FYL boss, if we had a better alternative than it would be easier just to mass kill the cows and have a nation wide feast while we reintegrate the new herd animal.
Calingaladha 21
Cows do not have four stomachs, but rather the stomach has four sections that perform various functions of digestion.
Biker187 13
Is this the same state that's been trying to regulate BBQ grill since at least 2009? Don't worry it's only cows right now, it could've been human emissions. Next will be you have to bottle it just the milk.
gracehi 33
And we thought it was silly when North Korea banned sarcasm. Oh, California.
Colon_Man 17
What the... Oh. California.
Mathalamus 25
Not surprised, cow emissions have been known for years. It's just difficult to manage.
Rachilla66 8
"Cow farts" are the single biggest pollutant of the atmosphere. They are more polluting than all methods of transportation on the planet combined, including cars, planes, trains and boats.
ThrottleJockey 36
The single largest greenhouse gas emitter is a politician's mouth.
Lorex 13
Well that's shitty