Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, we had cabbage. A lot of cabbage. The farts are so horrid I can barely stand myself. FML
Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML
Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML
Today, I was visiting friends in the country, and the property next to theirs has cows. Bored, I walked over to the fence and looked at a cow, who trundled over to the other side of the fence. I then saw the farmer staring at me and for some reason I said, "Just saying hi to your cow!" FML
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Top comments
WinterChild 20
The first person to come up with an air purifying butt plug is going to make millions.
TXfmylifer 10
I wouldn't worry OP, it's not like anyone can tell if your cows are "exceeding the limit" and then fine you or haul you off to jail.
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Comments (89)
TheyCallMeDamien 18
And how do they intend to regulate it? They're probably going to just count your cattle and make a gross estimate. A lobbyist will rise and somehow get a tax exemption created so you'll get it back on the end somehow. Agriculture is too sensitive to mess with. One bad year and they'll backtrack unless they're helping the corporate farms. It's hard enough to get people to go into the field. (No pun intended)
doodlesdork 7
Strange as it may seem, with the number of cows there are worldwide they contribute heavily to greenhouse gas emissions, its a known environmental issue.
sparkledoge 29
How exactly do you tell a cow not to fart ?
RememberSchlitz 9
Well Gov. Brown won't be contributing to CA's methane problem as his head is clearly firmly positioned in a location perfect for blocking the release of any potential fart.
Wormgod 10
I think that's called "death."
mag4734 2
Yea California is ******* stupid
Armeniangirl_fml 15
we're in the same state, so good thing I know that now. also, what the hell California?
1known_fml 8
The true FML story here is that you didn't have a regulation before! We're almost in 2017 and it's been years since we've known that cow produces a lot of pollution through gaz! Cow industry is one of the worst meat industry in that matter. Which is a sad thing when you love beef as much as I do... :(
Mike_Oxhard 14
How would you regulate a cow's fart? Would you stick a buttplug up it's ass and only remove it certain times of day?
emmnguyenn 14
The reason they do so is in the farts of a cow have chemical that contribute to global warming. All of the cows in America actually contribute more to global warming than cars and such. Hope that helps as a weird explanation!