Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML
Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
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Top comments
supertacowaffle 41
I really need to stop eating and reading this site at the same time
rwch1904 5
Why the **** were you fisting a cow?
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Comments (27)
rwch1904 5
Why the **** were you fisting a cow?
caffeine_addict 11
Pregnancy testing
RockPrincess26 16
How does a pregnancy test work with the rectum?
madethisaccount 12
it's the ideal way to check for various things
Ray_of_midnight 23
Haven't you ever read All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot?
supertacowaffle 41
I really need to stop eating and reading this site at the same time
RichardPencil 32
Do you realize you inadvertently have "cow" in your username? Or was that on purpose, you clever little minx?
supertacowaffle 41
It wasn't on purpose :')
Sheepiebeepie 26
My thought as I took another sip of rum
RedPillSucks 33
Rectum? I damn near killed um. seriously, I assume you're a large animal vet. was it rectum or ****** (artificial insemination). next time, get a summer intern to do that.
Lalala579121 28
It clearly says "rectum" in the FML...
zeffra13 31
Considering OP's username of vetstudent, I'd say they're a vet student learning how to do an exam. So either they're in a class or they are the intern.
RichardPencil 32
What were expecting to find reaching into a cow's asshole? A bunch of flowers with a card?
eagleriverjohn 24
Please tell me you were at least wearing a glove that goes to your elbow
frontierfarmer 2
It's goes to your armpit, don't ask how I know. http://www.breederschoiceonline.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2_20&products_id=188&zenid=7f1cc26363d7457394fe4bc3f1f7a9cb
frontierfarmer 2
It's goes to your armpit, don't ask how I know. http://www.breederschoiceonline.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2_20&products_id=188&zenid=7f1cc26363d7457394fe4bc3f1f7a9cb
frontierfarmer 2
It's goes to your armpit, don't ask how I know. http://www.breederschoiceonline.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2_20&products_id=188&zenid=7f1cc26363d7457394fe4bc3f1f7a9cb
Lalala579121 28
Hey guys, I think it goes to the armpit.
joshszz_fml 27
It's normal. I'd likely fart too if someone had their fist up my better end.
Talented73 54
Why was your arm in a cow's rectum?!
vanaathiel 13
They're a vet student, it's how you pregnancy check a cow
HanBanana15 9
Ah, learning the good old pregnancy-check, huh? Don't worry, you'll get so used to it that you won't even think before shoving your arm into a cow's butthole. And eventually, cow shit becomes different from any other shit by being less gag-inducing. Just make sure any clothing you wear gets washed with oxy-clean right away. It's totally gets rid of the smell. My dad worked on a dairy farm through all of my teen years, and I was responsible for his laundry.
travisinthetrunk 10
ydi for having your arm in a cows ass.
travisinthetrunk 10
oops