Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML
Today, while driving, we pulled up at a set of traffic lights next to a huge truck with live animals inside. Curious as to exactly what animal, I wound down my window to see if I could hear them, just in time for the truck to take off and cow shit to fly in my face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, we had cabbage. A lot of cabbage. The farts are so horrid I can barely stand myself. FML
Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML
Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML
Today, I was visiting friends in the country, and the property next to theirs has cows. Bored, I walked over to the fence and looked at a cow, who trundled over to the other side of the fence. I then saw the farmer staring at me and for some reason I said, "Just saying hi to your cow!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
WinterChild 20
The first person to come up with an air purifying butt plug is going to make millions.
TXfmylifer 10
I wouldn't worry OP, it's not like anyone can tell if your cows are "exceeding the limit" and then fine you or haul you off to jail.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (89)
BubbaYoshi117 11
Don't pasture-fed cows produce less methane?
samlovesham1234 9
What the actual ****? Only in California......
sandflea 3
We should probably take a look at speaking to India about this "issue"...
pettyjohn1995 14
It's not quite that hard to regulate. My understanding is that cows produce more harmful gasses when fed in certain ways, and that by changing the feeding process we can reduce the emissions of the cows. Seems pretty fair aside from it cutting in to profits, but increases in meat prices have been coming for a long time anyway.
RinoaHeartilly 36
Sorry that you have to deal with it, but it had to be someone.
anaheimangels40 11
Good thing I live in Huntington Beach enjoying the ocean breeze and far from the cows!
AverageAvarice 23
They're probably going to require a certain type of feed and a limit to cow population.
somegirlinbfe 13
How??
Camry_Girl420 18
Hahaha i read this the other day on the news and i laughed. like how do they expect us to keep cows from farting? California is full of idiots in office. Don't worry OP just stick a finger in its butt when it tells you it needs to fart and stop it. smh.
WolfLady 18
That is the stupidest thing ever! How are you meant to do anything about their emissions, and who the hell is going to regulate it?