Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML
Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML
Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML
Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML
Today, I saved a woman from being mugged, and stayed with her until the police arrived. At which point she ignored me completely, and thanked the handsome 20-something police officer for making her feel safe, like I did nothing. Ungrateful cow. Next time the mugger can have your handbag. FML
Today, while I was walking to my car, I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML
Today, my place of work was robbed. When expressing worry that the thieves would return, the cops told us, and I quote, "If they come back and attack you, just give us a call back." Fucking stellar, thanks. FML
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Top comments
RetardedBullFrog 4
"Imma call the cops !!! . . . when I get home . . ."
tylersign 11
*mugger steals landline*
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Comments (166)
bretty_boieeeeyy 0
Smart move
Lanceeden 12
Don't forget to tell him about that $50 in your back pocket.
jonan1212 5
You should give him your name & address so you can hang out later
LiyIa_fml 8
Yes, because telling the criminal that you're going to call the cops, always makes them run off.
Savra_fml 17
29, and that is when the criminal takes your phone, asks you "with what?", and then runs off.
LiyIa_fml 8
Thank you 30, for re-telling the FML and for failing to see the sarcasm.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Sense a troll in you, I do, 30.
The_Troller 14
Well don't tell him about the emergency money in your shoe that you're going to use to call a cab.
MagicallyFat 12
Well if OP had an iPhone or a smartphone the pone cn be tracked via GPS. Just don't tell the mugger this too
JustHello123 1
Haha Why would you tell a mugger that???
Shelta957 13
How is he going to call a cab with no phone??
The_Troller 14
By waving it down. Most muggings take place in cities, so you wouldn't actually need to call with a phone.
rallets 23
i just imagined the mugger going thru his pockets and OP with his hands up saying "take what you want, im just gonna call the police anyways" i LOL'd
P374RD3D 9
#29 they do... with your phone
ColdplaySucks 18
Carry a 6 inch knife and you'll be ready next time OP.
LiyIa_fml 8
96, you should have read previous comments. So I thank you for re telling 30's comment.
taytay6510 6
76- Hilarious.......and that, my friend, is sarcasm.
Louie2013 12
Or the $80 strapped to your thigh
andrew8795 0
Ha. Ha ha YOU'RE STUPID
13FTW 9
As are you.
The_Troller 14
At least he used the right form of your/you're. Pretty good... for a troll.
RetardedBullFrog 4
"Imma call the cops !!! . . . when I get home . . ."
tylersign 11
*mugger steals landline*
XThe_Invoker 4
#3 ~ Lmfao! Nice one XD! I can already picture that... hahah ;p
Michael_Kelso 0
Shouldn't have said anything that wasn't with their fists.
tehrealone 6
Should've brought the mugger home so he could take you're computer saving us from hearing this.... Story
siickman 7
Just should have done what the girl did in skrillex's video.... It works for me all the time.
leadman1989 16
Yell somebody call 911? Or summon a deamon? Lol
elementalz 2
Summon a demon of course telling someone to call 911 isn't going to do much
IndiRae 9
I only know about this cause Beavis and Butt-head. Hehe. Hehe.
volley4eva1698 0
Never should've sent that child to Hogwarts...
aurynforever 14
Beavis was crying.
JCTillery 8
Are you really that dumb?
WillyHorse19 4
yes
rayrayray23 1
I like turtles too
Jewdazking23 5
Cause we all have our smatest moments when a guy is beating us and stealing our stuff
Jewdazking23 5
Enough said
KiddNYC1O 22
No, no. Well said.
Jewdazking23 5
#116 well said
RedMegane 4
Aren't you clever, you might as well have told him where you hide your secret stash
clancey6 4
Everyone knows it's under the mattress
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
I hope u don't find the money strapped on Herbert's thigh!
Blackmail111 9
Yelling out "I'm calling the cops" when being mugged is like dropping the soap in prison and yelling "I dropped the soap" as loud as you can...
Tequilamockngbrd 7
Since it's always more effective to tell someone you're going to do something rather than just doing it, right?
LiyIa_fml 8
I agree 100% and besides, most the time when you tell the criminal(s) that you're going to call the cops. They usually reply with "Do it." or some dip shit comment, then run when the sirens come along.
Teehee2 0
well are they just gonna stand there waiting for the cops to arrest them? I think not.
brown4lifejot 1
Lol Thats a smart mugger right there.
Llama_Face89 34
That's a mugger with common sense...not necessarily brains...
brown4lifejot 1
Thank you, oh great one :P
Capt_Oblivious 10
If you don't have an iPhone, you don't have the "Track down that bitch mugger" app
Drewwwwwwww 0
This comment actually made me laugh. And I never laugh.
allard 14
Did you laugh when you saw your profile picture?
Savra_fml 17
My first reaction would be to call the cops immediately while they are still making their get away, not yell out after them "Wait. Mister, wait. I'm gonna call the cops. Don't go too far." Sorry to say, but YDI.
Daralea 21
Don't forget to ask the mugger how tall he is so your description to the police can be complete.
drlove78843 6
I