Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML
Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML
Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML
Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML
Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML
Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML
Today, I bought a kitten. I've wanted a cat for years and decided to finally buy one now that I have my own apartment. It turns out I'm allergic to cats. FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML
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Top comments
Warden1986 16
Maybe you should give it catnip first, then try the laser pointer...
poppysoda 4
Us cats are not all easily amused.
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Comments (201)
Warden1986 16
Maybe you should give it catnip first, then try the laser pointer...
dsbs 9
Hipster cat is too cool for lasers
fml121785 14
No, sadly your not the only one that owns a cat like that. :(
Mademoiselle_fml 34
not all cats like catnip. mine have never liked catnip -sad-
PYLrulz 17
If you give my girlfriends cat catnip, shell go nuts, start licking the walls, and if the catnip is in something, starts humping it
Marcella1016 32
Funny 63 my first cat went APESHIT over catnip...it was like heroin to her. My current two? Don't give a shit about catnip and look at me like I'm crazy. Only the youngest one even pretends to care about lasers (even though he loved them when he was a baby), and now it's only when he feels like it. Gotta love cats :)
Futacy 30
I think dogs are the ones who chase laser dots, we cats are way too smart and unpredictable for that.
PYLrulz 17
77 - I can vouch for that. My parents had a Cockier Spaniel years ago who was crazy enough to chase after laser dots
isaiaah 6
I'm not a big fan of cats. I like dogs but not all of them go for laser dots
doctorwhogirl 0
Well my stupid cat is scared of the lazer, but I guess that also just a form of sick, sick entertainment. She doesn't chase the dot, the dot chases her. muwahahahaha
Warden1986 16
I have three dogs, I tired the laser pointer and they tilted their heads at me. My friend gives his cat, cat nip then does the laser pointer 100x funnier. That cat will flow that thing any where.... Even will I'll leave that one go.
coried91 28
123- I understood everything up to the last sentence.
Skadi_fml 6
Hey I have a Labrador Retriever who won't retrieve things. She might run after something you throw but won't pick it up. And she won't play with toys. Unless it is food. My cats like to walk on plastic bags and attack them. Not every animal does the same.
kayla179822 0
Is your icon nepeta?!
whoaa123 0
Whoa lol ur mad hot nice wrack
Zack325 10
Your profile pic is perfect for your comment, #45
cybermolly10 7
Ha, one of my cats won't either. She just watches our other cat chase the dot around with a look that says, "Has he gone INSANE?" It didn't work on my cat, but try a green laser pointer, my brother in law has a cat that only sees the green one.
killdozer1 2
One of my cats won't either. For the longest time I assumed he couldn't see it, but I recently saw him looking at it with minimal interest. He just doesn't seem imprssed by it.
UsernameHere234 13
One of my cats won't but the other goes nuts for it. Interesting a green one has a different effect. From what I know cats can't see green or blue but can see red.
doctorhook86 25
OP deserves it for thinking cats are only fun with laser pointers. Now reread this comment, but replace the word "cat" with "pussy".
doctorhook86 25
Bonus question! Spot the typo in #147.
Lludes 5
147 it should be ******* not pussy. Did I guess correctly?
YUMMYFRENCHFRIES 16
D:
kimpe 6
My cat doesn't like them either. Try one of cat teaser wands with the feather on the end of it, those are almost always a hit.
sonicgreg 12
WHAM
JaykeXD 9
Try the green laser pointers. XD
poppysoda 4
Us cats are not all easily amused.
charlieisawesome 4
Oh look your comment corresponds with your DP, how amusing..
poppysoda 4
Precisely.
mpsteve137 15
Haha you gotta be kitten me
kittytub 12
meow, ************.
DocBastard 40
We*
poppysoda 4
We cats have trouble with this human language as well.
FatGuyLover 0
U my dear cat, made my life
GothicAngel17 24
Well, some of us are.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
64) STOP STEALING MY CATCHPHRASE.
kittytub 12
did i? I didn't mean to. sorry, come here so i can eat- ahh, make it up to you. >:3
SqueakyChipmunk 22
**** you, cat. *scurries away*
poppysoda 4
My fellow felines, do not act foolish infront of the humans, they will belittle us more than they already do. Calling us these strange names and making us come off our high thrones they dine on.
kittytub 12
yeah, strange names indeed. i thought your name said poopysoda at first.
Bonzer 2
My cats don't like those either, they only like feathers on sticks, stuff like that.
Bonzer 2
That is not actually me in the picture.
murlocholmes 5
13- well god I hope not! I'm sure you at least have half a brain...
trixy81 10
YOU DON'T SAY?
supportcommand 17
20- I'm sure 13 does have half a brain. However, we all know the guy in picture does NOT have half a brain. I'm blown away that he can even function as a human being.
DocBastard 40
All your cat did is prove he's smarter than you. Good luck figuring out where he pees.
malfanese 6
Or possibly where he poops- hopefully not stashed around in plastic baggies.
gc327072 31
Actually, my neighbors' dog is the that hides random bread behind their throw pillows. One weird-ass dog.
Psych101 9
Buy a dog. That should get some entertainment when you put those two together.
Psych101 9
It's a real thing. I used to have a cat and a dog, and those two would square off all of the time. I'm not saying it's like a cartoon, but they actually do not like each other.
folfg0 12
Sounds like someone's starting her collection of cats. Soon to be, crazy cat lady!
VeganVampyre 27
I've had at least one dog and two cats at all times for the past 14 years and they've always gotten along just fine. Just because you didn't properly socialize your cat or dog (or whoever you adopted them from didn't?) doesn't mean all cats and dogs fight.
tisvana20 6
It's more likely that the two animals will quarrel if they weren't raised together. The cats vs. dogs thing IS real though and I don't know why. My dog can't even see a cat without trying to dart after it, and he's the laziest, sweetest poodle you'd ever see. Maybe it's a phenomenon isolated to large dogs.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I didn't know Mike Vick was on FML.
Psych101 9
36- When did I say that dogs were better than cats?
PYLrulz 17
Add in a mouse, and you could have a real life Tom and Jerrt cartoon
outoftown 27
#34, Not all big dogs. Had a German shepard who got along well with the cat. May have helped that the dog was a female and not fully grown when the cat arrived.
isaiaah 6
I don't know, my family had a female husky and when my aunt brought her kittens to the house our husky treated them like her own babies.
neilykins 29
My dog and cat love to PLAY fight, the dog will chase the cat around and the cat will swipe at him.
nevereyes 31
My cats will go up and hug our dog, and when ever theres kittens in the house our dog will constantly check up on them especially if she thinks some one toke one of the kittens.
wallstreet015 0
you could always jack off.
MidnaLink 35
I don't necessarily think a girl would "jack off"... but if that's what a girl would call rubbing the inside of her twat, then okay!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Golly. That was awfully specific.
featherygoose 9
Or have sex with the cat.
supportcommand 17
I don't think "rubbing one out" is going to entertain the cat.
Werken247 14
it still counts as playing with the pussy.
Bibliovore 26
One of our cats loves a laser pointer, but the other just kind of blinks at it. Try Da Bird. They look like standard feather-on-a-string-on-a-stick toys, but the way the feathers are set makes them flutter and sound more like a real bird as you swing the toy through the air. Our cats were quickly indifferent to a feather-tipped teaser toy but go crazy for Da Bird, as do all of the many friends' cats we've since given them to.