Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Freakout
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML
Place in the world fades away
Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Spiderman meme
Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML
Doubling down
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's wife. He's still saying he is not married. FML
Top comments
williamcarter93 13
Poor OP. Sorry your wife had to die so relatively early.
Larawk 8
Tweet his number. I'm sure you could get a bunch of kids to prank call him. Revenge is sweet
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Comments (135)
HoboSmeller 6
oops, wrong number?
sens3sfailing 25
I would hope so! That guy is an ass hole. Some one tells you their wife died 4 years ago at a relatively young age so you call their deceased loved one a ****? He needs to learn that you don't have to insult the person when you call the wrong number, apologize and try again.
dominic1221 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Don't wanna be contrary, but she could've been a lot older than OP. Cougars marry all the time.
theninja1800 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Probably was! But what's mind ******* me right now is that there's a 49 year old that uses FML!! Or the Internet for that matter!
THE_A_TEEN 28
Bitch, i'm an 85 year old retiree on the internet. I've been around ever since it was the ARPAnet. Youngsters these days... *shakes fist in the air*
slurshies 11
uh, bitch, check your birth certificate. or at least your profile. you're 17.
Shrike 24
^ Uh, bitch, learn to recognize a joke. You're morbidly retarded, and it isn't even funny. :|
thePr3da1i3nrulz 4
66- Uh, bitch, vrooom! Right over you head.
melons 44
38, I wasn't aware of an upper age limit on Internet usage. Please enlighten me on on the rules.
colliebuddz420 7
Three days after my dad passed away a telemarketer screamed at me when I told her calling me a liar
MDTeddy 13
Either a wrong number or the stranger caller did have sex with the wife who passed away to be able to call her a ****. I hope that isn't true. I am sure it isn't.
sens3sfailing 25
Theeeeen why did you post that?
williamcarter93 13
Poor OP. Sorry your wife had to die so relatively early.
snowboarder531 5
Honestly you seem like you are a nice guy that cares. Pretty rare on FML. Good job kind sir.
featherygoose 9
Mean person.
ricerboy 0
I have to say, your profile pic and your comment match great.
thgiL 9
R.I.P to your late wife OP.
AKGirlinSD 20
Sorry about your loss, Original Poster. Please don't allow this asshole, who called you, make you lose faith in humanity. There are still some good people out there and you sound like one of them.
lexa1love 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That was extremely rude. I hope he didn't upset you!
RaggleFrock 13
You know you're upset when you either write a FML or a letter. So I think he was most definitely upset by it.
skulskinator 5
And I really hope u were jokeing
TADspace 30
I'm confused. Was he calling your wife a ****, or his fiancée?
Psych101 9
Either way would be wrong. If he was calling his fiancé a ****, he shouldn't be marrying her. And if he was calling OP's wife a ****, then it's just pathetic. He most likely has no idea who she is.
PYLrulz 17
Your comment MIGHT make sense to ask IF the guy stammered something along the lines of his fiancee being a **** anyways. Considering the jackoff said "Well she's a **** too!", you are someone who needs to THINK before asking questions.
MindFreakazoid 10
4 - No. He called you a ****.
Larawk 8
Tweet his number. I'm sure you could get a bunch of kids to prank call him. Revenge is sweet
alyspar2 5
I will do it right now! Just give me the number!
Mister_Triangle 21
If his twitter is anything like mine, nobody will read it.
Bmck112 4
4chan might be a better start. Though that might be a bit of overkill now that I think about it.
cr3ativity 15
Portray it as Justin Bieber's new phone number.
Bonzer 2
Put his number on Craigslist as a prostitute. (From another FML story.)
thePr3da1i3nrulz 4
Now thats just sick... But genius! Mwahahaha
DocBastard 40
I hope your caller ID got this fucktard's number. Please leave it here so we can all spam him with "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!!" texts.
hippo1234 19
Dear DocBastard, Please post on your blog more frequently. It is very good. Sincerely, Hippo
MidnaLink 35
15 don't worry i dont know how to pm other users on here either.
windycityassasin 6
Yes, the guy said something heartless, cruel and totally inappropriate. But he was also betrayed by someone special to him and acted out of blind anger. It's extremely difficult to control your anger. It doesn't excuse him but it doesn't warrant spamming him especially while he's still coping with his fiancé's unfaithfulness.
DjeePee 25
There are better ways to cope with that, like, being angry at his fiancée. I never understood people who blame 'the other man/woman' for sleeping with their partner... But, I'm also against spamming, that's wrong and childish. Here in Belgium, the cell phone number/email and living adress of a teenage bully (whose actions where filmed and put on YouTube) got on the interwebs. Now she, a fifteen year old, receives constantly hate mails and death threats. I still have that little bit faith in humanity left to believe that guy feels like shit for what he said to OP.
Mearemoi 14
94 - Even if he did feel like shit, he certainly didn't show it. I mean, seriously, he told OP that his dead wife was a ****. That just makes OP feel like shit, and him a total douche bag.
Danny0522 8
He probably doesn't feel like shit because to him this encounter was entirely accidental and he is still angry at the guy who slept with his fianceé. And besides, spamming someone isn't exactly complete torture, more like an annoyance.
zandalee 20
Sorry about your loss. Perhaps this is just a little sign that it's time to get out there again...
Warden1986 16
Yes because we all should take advice from, disrespectful punk teenagers. Note: Not all teens act like that, however in this teen did.
Goddess_Rummy 13
He wasn't necessarily a teen. Could have been in his 20's. Just that his actions were that of a child.
Warden1986 16
Then I was going off his maturity level then. I stand corrected.
Calyx_fml 22
*69
dominic1221 6
Shut the **** up and show some respect, you obnoxious asshat.
Psych101 9
28- Asshat... That's almost as good as ass cricket. I learn new words everyday on FML.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
...all he said was *69, the number to anonymously call someone. Though, now it's *67
MrSassypants 34
#28, so told Calyx to show respect, in a disrespectful way? Well, I see nothing wrong here at all. Not one little thing wrong here.
jenniiienyc 5
I thought *69 told you the last number that called you?! What's happening..
SneakyCaveman 13
The phone command activated by using the keys *, 6, 9, normally calls back the last number that called that phone line, don't be so quick to give other people a hard time. Edit: Damn I got beat to it by quite a few people. -.-
PhishloverA 14
You're a pervert for taking that the dirty way #28. Get your mind out of the gutter
dominic1221 6
Ah please, it's Calyx. If you've read any of his comments you'd know he's a steaming piece of crap that gets off on being an asshole and trying to piss people off. And #44, that's the most pathetic argument I've ever seen. I would go into detail to show you the logical fallacies, but what's the point? The herd's already stampeding over me.
CheshireHalli 19
Yep, cause you totally don't look like an asshole here... Not at all. Go bitch where it's relevant, kid.
SHUTTHEFRIGUP 3
TRACK THAT NUMBER. PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
YES. DO THAT AND MAKE DAMN SURE YOU PUNCH HIM IN ALL CAPS. If you punch him in lower case he might think you're a weakling.