Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML
Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML
Today, I finally made my fiancé orgasm with oral without his help. He asked me what I did differently. It turns out, I was just sad and depressed because he hasn’t made the effort to make me orgasm in months. I can’t ask without feeling like I’m intruding on his busy schedule. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
glowbaby 15
How understanding he is!
smokecloud_ 37
Ouch. Maybe be a little more clear on what you mean by "spontaneous".
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Comments (129)
idioticmess 15
i think all hope for an ****** is lost now.
ItsMeDiegoG 8
Sounds like a good deal to me
ShadowWhovian 14
You've got to be direct with men or else they will interpret something completely different, as you've just witnessed.
AFCCT 7
Not always something completely different. And (going off on a tangent) I love how some girls will "hint" at things and then be upset when the guy didn't get the hint. Speak directly or don't expect to get what you want. Hints are for people too immature to stand up for what they desire. *deep breath* rant over
IllestRated 17
.....Pineapples
cornyrob 33
You must be a fan of "Little Nicky"
dragonclaw6 11
Im sorry but I feel like YDI because communication is a huge thing in the bedroom. If you can't tell your partner what and how you want it you will never get it.
junebug1981 3
ydi. telling him to be "spontaneous in bed"? That's how you help your partner figure out how to get you off? you're lucky he said he was thinking about sticking it in your ass rather than just doing it "spontaneously" as you requested :-P
molliciousj 19
I don't know why this comment got down-voted. I agree. Poor word choice on your part. You're lucky he didn't pull some weird shit without asking.
miyaviichan 27
Just give in and let it happen ;) You'd be surprised at the results
maplecandy 7
Don't worry about being polite; he's your boyfriend, tell him what to do and how to do it or he'll likely never understand what you need. Sex isn't a guessing game, if you're not satisfied you need to communicate it clearly so you can both figure out a way to remedy the problem.
valentinov 15
So, what everyone is saying, is that not getting an ****** from your boyfriend is your fault. You'd be surprised at how clueless men are about how to please in bed a woman. This is due to the society's poor sexual education and bad **** movies that overwhelm any common sense. As such, take a step forward and teach him what you like, where you like, when you like. You'll be surprised at how much he'll improve. Godspeed!
snugglesMcGee199 23
I don't understand why you were downvoted. You have sensible advice.
dawsonstar 15
Yeah. Sounds like you need to find a new boyfriend.
beaverteaser 16
why do people always say get a new girl/boy friend over anything?
FucYoCouch 13
Get a new boyfriend because SHE'S the one to blame for the lack of communication? She said she hinted. Hinting has many perceptions in which he just assumed anal. I don't see how that puts him in the wrong here.
duuuh1 11
and telling him flat out he sucks in bed is going to do what? Hurt his ego and probably make him not want to put out again. Guys take that kind of information pretty hard usually, and he needs to try MORE things, not less.