Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML
Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML
Today, I finally made my fiancé orgasm with oral without his help. He asked me what I did differently. It turns out, I was just sad and depressed because he hasn’t made the effort to make me orgasm in months. I can’t ask without feeling like I’m intruding on his busy schedule. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
glowbaby 15
How understanding he is!
smokecloud_ 37
Ouch. Maybe be a little more clear on what you mean by "spontaneous".
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Comments (129)
Dif_fml 12
Maybe fisting will do it for you.
anthony99 14
Why do guys want anal so much? It's gross!
rogerover 19
Tongue and mouth... Should go South There he might Find your delight!
CrazyManNo9 29
BS. Do you GIVE him an ****** or does it get it? Get involved already.
Cemetery87 10
if you are adult enough to have sex then you are adult enough to talk about it. no need to 'hint' just openly talk about what you want next time. be direct.
kyouka 8
You should have been more specific
TisAPenguin 16
Maybe it's about time you realize it's not all up to him. I swear I'm one of the few women in this world who understand that it's not 100% the man's responsibility to make you cum.
CrazyManNo9 29
Winner!
callmeave 10
don't knock it till you try it.
jdlanam87 9
Guys are horrible with hints and often just telling him straight out doesn't work either. Show him what you like.
hedurr 4
Hinting doesn't generally work with people. Just be straightforward.