Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML
Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML
Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML
Today, I finally made my fiancé orgasm with oral without his help. He asked me what I did differently. It turns out, I was just sad and depressed because he hasn’t made the effort to make me orgasm in months. I can’t ask without feeling like I’m intruding on his busy schedule. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
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Top comments
glowbaby 15
How understanding he is!
smokecloud_ 37
Ouch. Maybe be a little more clear on what you mean by "spontaneous".
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Comments (129)
just16letters 15
At least he will have you screaming...
katties 27
So "be more spontaneous" = "I never have orgasms" to you? WTH OP? What you said isn't even a hint! If you have been communicating your wishes in the same way before, I definitely DO see how you might be in the situation you are in. And you also need to tell your boyfriend you don't want anal if you really don't want it, and DON'T try to tell him in hints, or you WILL get it in the ass.
sjonnie_fml 10
well? dit that make you ****** or what?
ZombieSazza 34
Why are you hinting? Why aren't you telling him "I don't ******, we need to experiment so I ****** during sex". He's not going to know otherwise, you have to tell him directly, so stop hinting and speak to him.
graphicstyle7 17
You need to be more than "polite". Talk to him when you're both not busy and explain to him what you need. Be specific, not mean or naggy, but specific. Give him a book, watch some videos. Men often (not always, but often) need things spelled out for them.
Crazynocatlady 22
Just subtly push his head down town.
LostMy_Marbles 24
Sex isn't just about the guy doing all the work. You know, if you got into it and took charge maybe you would enjoy it a little more - no one knows what you like more than you
fordneagles 34
USE. YOUR. WORDS. No hints. No subtlety. Just TELL him what you want.
rikkidi 20
You need to be more specific
BonkazMaddMMFWCL 6
hey give it a chance you might like it. on the other hand... when you are talkin to guys you have to say exactly what you mean... i am not trying to call them stupid its just they think with their dick or stomach and that's it.