Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years-old. FML
Today, my boyfriend was breaking up with me because he felt his needs were not met. I asked what I could do to change his mind. He said, "Suck my dick, right now." It got me more turned on than I thought possible. What is wrong with me? FML
Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML
Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML
Today, my husband was trying to be sexy, and asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger". Major mood kill. FML
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Top comments
Akitakat 31
Well, flick his bic then tell him to turn his head & cough while gloving up & see how he likes it.
Akitakat 31
Such a romantic...
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Comments (19)
Akitakat 31
Well, flick his bic then tell him to turn his head & cough while gloving up & see how he likes it.
Akitakat 31
Such a romantic...
TeachAllTheMath 19
Time to take him back to basics.
RichardPencil 32
I can see this happening in the 80’s, but it’s inexcusable in the era of free Internet ****. In ****, you never see nip-flicking or navel-fingering. Well, maybe in some fetish bullshit...
Little Richard 11
Dad, please stay off the computer.
RichardPencil 32
Now, you hush up, son! If it weren't for me using some of the tricks I learned from the "training videos" on your mom, you might not even be here! She particularly likes when I ... oh, wait, you might not want to hear that.
weeping_willow 25
This is just saddening, honestly.
Little Richard 11
you need a real man?
manb91uk 22
Sounds like he’s trying to activate a lightbulb... He does know vaginas don’t work that way? Right?
Notmymonkeysnotmycircus 16
Based on the gender shown for the OP and the mentioning of a BF I’m gonna assume it wouldn’t matter if they had a quick start guide for a vag...
Lobby_Bee 18
You must thank his ex for that. Probably worked for her.
Notmymonkeysnotmycircus 16
*him
PhantomCrevan 8
The United States Sex Ed program putting your taxes to work, people. Aren't you so grateful that certain conservative groups have thrown such huge fits about a mandatory class that it is effectively useless in most places?
Rabite 28
It's working so good, I am feeling it over here as well.
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
I agree, your sex life sucks.