Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML
Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML
Today, I went on a second date with a girl that I like and had a really good time while with her. We got pretty drunk and then went back to mine. When things started to get sexy, I accidentally called her by her sister's name. A girl I don’t even know. FML
Today, at 19 years of age, I finally saw a nude girl in real life. Specifically, my sister. FML
Today, I told my ex I was going to bed after a few drinks, and she ended up fucking my brother while I was asleep. What an awakening to hear. FML
Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML
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Top comments
KayDee29 31
I believe she incests on you performing unspeakable acts. I would just avoid her for a few years.
lostinareverie 21
Better a drunk text to you than some sleazy guy who would take advantage and such.
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Comments (147)
ZDRANO 9
That's allowed where you're at right?
ToxicTyrael 26
To bad that she's not your super hot stepsister who moved in a week ago.
malachite1357 11
Well that's gonna be an interesting conversation if you see her at home soon, haha
hailhydra 6
Cersei Lannister would be proud of her
Lars93 18
doesnt matter, had sex
r1r1h2 11
Please tell me you're not a Dollangager. She might have a couple flowers in the attic. Now you can dismiss it like petals on the wind, but if there be thorns she might become quite insistent. Hopefully she's so shitfaced that she's completely forgets like seeds of yesterday. A little warning though, if you are down for the Dollanganger way, try being incognito like a garden of shadows.
Draconus324 4
Should have said yes then blackmail for life
creeperdevon 18
This is why I'm glad I will never drink, I can record my drunken friends and blackmail them or just laugh at their stupidity
Glasshoney 9
Yikes! She must've thought she was texting another guy with your name. Awkward. Therapy for life! Lol ?
heyimrichie 11
one of those that leave you like , uh wow ok. *scroll*