Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I got the chance to hook up with the girl of my dreams, but I had whiskey d*ck and couldn't perform. I'm so embarrassed and now she's not messaging back. FML
Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML
Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML
Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML
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Top comments
maphineRAWRS 10
ydi it for trying to "get with" her.. unless you ment in a nice way cause you like her, then you've just been planning to use her for a year so hahaha at her getting with someone else :)
alexFYL 11
dude, I've been trying to get with Brad Pitt since i was like 11 years old, he keeps going out with other girls. I know how you feel.
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Comments (105)
Dragons_corner 6
so you were there but was not close by. sucks for you but maybe next time.
Dragons_corner 6
may comment might be moded soon for not saying first or some stupid shit to be first.
xBangOut 4
Soo.. ready to spend one more year trying to get her oor just gonna buy some booze?
bigphill1333 0
Seriously if she will do that to a random guy when drunk I'm sure it'll work for you.
pengiesully 0
agreed
smiley1014 23
YDI because you are trying to get with a Jersey chick. Just wait a week. She'll be giving a lot more bj's.
kryxen 14
Actually if she did it with some random guy and texted you about it. You are friend-zoned. Sorry
flipflipflipidel 0
then she's probably beat so give up
funzcpl 0
lol.
cuddlekitty66 0
Pft. What kind of girl gets tired after one ********?
monocturnal38 2
yes
Dragons_corner 6
here is a idea instead of complaining about it right now why not ask her for one or to fool around since it's happening right now from what you said OP?
Drittjr 0
I'm sure he can't just walk up to her and say "Hey, give me a *******, bitch."
bman134 0
um she's drunk yes he can
boopityboppity 11
Oh, yeah. When someone gets drunk, he or she will remain in a perpetual state of drunkenness. 35 is totally right.
A_Khalifa 0
Maybe she's lying and is just so drunk, that she is indirectly hinting OP to get his shlort pleased
Alleged_Cranium 7
Good. She got that sloppy first suck out of the way. Now she is an experienced cocksucker. it will be all the better when you get her drunk.
funzcpl 0
ewwwwww! lmao
ALERI0N 0
whatatwist..
maphineRAWRS 10
ydi it for trying to "get with" her.. unless you ment in a nice way cause you like her, then you've just been planning to use her for a year so hahaha at her getting with someone else :)
kittydidit 0
Win :)
maphineRAWRS 10
:D
Jizwold 0
idk know about other people but I use that phrase to mean like go out with someone
maphineRAWRS 10
really? here it's usually ment as a derogatory term to the girl like meaning to try and force or pressure a hookup or bj from her lol
tencentsakiss 19
Have you heard of the book, He's Just Not That Into You? Read it and switch it to she.
zombiedroogie138 0
haha or you could just see the freakin movie!!!!
tencentsakiss 19
The book seems more appropriate in this situation, as it's all advice columns. I've never actually seen the movie though, so I could be wrong.
juniorsgay 0
awww a nice guy that tryed getting to know a girl before dating and ended up in the friend zone that's so sad...:(
bzanon 0
how is that sad it happens every day to nice guys, thats why nice guys finish last ydi for bejng a nice guy
dalek_fml 0
lmao grouse
aliaskis 3
like the bird? what about a pheasant? could we use that as an adjective?
Wirebiter 0
I think that was supposed to be a "swallow".
aliaskis 3
^ win
funzcpl 0
she sounds really nice! I mean, giving so much of herself to a stranger. she's definitely not shy OR selfish. the kind of girl you can really trust! good lord! what a *****.
teggman93 0
it's my turn now!