Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
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Top comments
YaboyVinnie 21
So your kid swallows while your wife doesn't?
MaskingTape 2
What else was he supposed to do with a delicious screw if not eat it?
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Comments (192)
808haole 0
That my friend, is a crappy situation...
trevishere 7
Screw you.
Begiz 12
Badum-tss
prinzess_fml 25
.
ironik970 13
Wow that kid is really putting the screws to you.
cmtexx03 0
You should have him tested for pica :0
cmtexx03 0
You should have him tested for pica :0
cmtexx03 0
You should have him tested for pica :0
yamatelle 19
My advice to you is to hide away those used condoms and dirty tampons. *gags*
crazychick1269 7
eww!
Nosrebor 8
That has something to do with the FML..... HOW?
LissaMccracken 23
Umm. What???
thiscrazything 1
What? It's a screw? they cost like 10 cents! Leave the kid alone, to poop in peace. If your worried about it hurting him, don't worry, he will let you know.
yamatelle 19
You're either a horrible troll, or you are/will be a shitty parent. You're going to screw your kids over. Do yourself a favor and don't breed.
mjninety 9
You have to make sure the screw is passed, or it will have to be removed.
Hayman68 4
28 - "screw your kids over" i see what you did there
Dontcaretoomuch 1
Not as shitty as the parent digging through poop
Namenlos_fml 20
That kid needs therapy...
boner_93 2
maybe the kid just figured out that you'll make him stay home if he swallows random shit.
sara_saturday 5
my thought exactly! op deserves it
ChickInGreenVans 12
Your name is pretty random..