Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML
Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, I woke up in a pool of what felt like sweat and tears. Little did I realize, my then-girlfriend had snuck into the house and drenched me in salty water to get me back for kissing her sister. I guess we're even now. FML
Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML
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Top comments
aback 5
Kid's lucky you're not one of those who wake up swinging. Buy her something nice and give her a big hug as an apology.
Stupidpeopleanno 5
You never know if she was trying to sneak attack you. I salute you for being on your guard even in the midst of sleep!
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Comments (111)
Gummybears4life 0
That's terrible! Poor baby! :( you suck OP
rallets 23
POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSER!!
aardvarkish 17
19 does have a point...
rallets 23
see, you got me
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Awe that little kid sounds so cuteee(: **** you op(:
Buchitoo 4
Lmao 19 awesome reference!!!!
pvthill 0
19 epic win
UrCommentsSuck 0
Completely justifiable, op. That stupid baby should just be glad that you didn't report her for sexual molestation. Let's see her try and get into a good kindergarten with THAT on her record!
ImRickJamesBish 0
Lmao! Best comment so far!!!
phatskaterduder 0
WIN!!!!
FMLchill 0
77 nice ****, I would like to suck on those
viper2426 0
id like to lick your **** girl
ChaCerCam 14
she's not terrible unless she didn't comfort her afterward, I've made really sad three year olds into happy ones by giving them high-fives.It usually shouldn't take to much effort.
Chris5146 3
I'm a douchebag.
justnbieber 0
win
cusof 0
fail
CaptainJ1000 1
Agreed
IgnorantAmerican 0
Indeed
Nutz321 0
what
gatorclay97 28
Penis
lyncecelia 13
wow. poor kid! how could you not tell the difference between a fly and a kiss?
dannyboy66 7
hes never been kissed before lol
shibbywan 0
OP is female
savy7093 9
your cat looks exactly like mine! and she loves being on my laptop!
gkings18 1
haha so weird my cats looks and does the same too!
haileyluvsyou001 0
Ikr that's terrible
iCreate 10
Ouuuuch, the poor thing:
aback 5
Kid's lucky you're not one of those who wake up swinging. Buy her something nice and give her a big hug as an apology.
Hockeyboy4280 18
I Lol'd at this
txgirl2013 14
that kid should have bitchslapped you
Stupidpeopleanno 5
You never know if she was trying to sneak attack you. I salute you for being on your guard even in the midst of sleep!
Jonkbaby 23
lol
FallonFerSure 6
lmfao
strawberrydreams 18
I can relate to the OP but damn... at least that's better than the FML about the woman who kicked her daughter off because she thought she was a cat. Poor baby though :(
christrex99 0
that ariel picture made me cum
strawberrydreams 18
What the ****? Ew!
adhchopper 0
You changed it? Damnit! I never got to see it
ghbetuehe 0
It should have ended with "She then threw up on my face. FML"
LightningLadyy 0
Being sweet? Sounds like she was creepin'.
WretchedOnyx 29
She's three in this FML. D: Cut her some slack